Science Jokes and Puns

The modern world has plenty of sciences – old and new ones, so the number of different PhDs, doctors, and the other scientists is really great. Be sure, these nerds have pretty much in common with the “cool guys” – the sense of humor, braveness and a huge box of jokes, as without these elements it is totally impossible to deal with the sciences. All the people adore those who are able to make them laugh, and the academics are not the exceptions. Moreover, they dare to diss their colleagues! Here we have the best science jokes for you to see that the intelligent people can and should laugh as much as it is possible.

Bad Earth Science Jokes

To joke at our mother-planet is not a good idea. Well, it is good, if really light. The Earth is a bit bad with the puns, as it is no longer willing to joke with us. Honestly, when the things get worse, we can only laugh – so here are the few cool sayings that will cheer you up! We could not imagine, what funny can be said about the bacteria, as they are too tiny and pitiful creatures to be laughed at (if forget about the fact we deal with them almost every second); but some persons could impress us with these wonderful science jokes!

  • How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
  • Google-Earth gave you the opportunity to go and see anywhere in the world. So what do you do? You go and look at your house?
  • Why did the amoeba cross the road? It was time to split.
  • Why did the bacteria fail the math test? He thought multiplication was the same as division.
  • Q: What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?  A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
  • How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?  Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
  • Q: What did the conservative biologist say? A: The only cleavage I want to see is at the cellular level.
  • They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes.

Cheesy And Corny Science Jokes

Every newcomer-comedian starts with the cheesy jokes. There are, of course, the cases of a true talent revealing but these are the exceptions that just prove the rule. Well, we wanted to help you understand what are the good jokes, and what are the silly ones – the next two belong to the second category.

  • What’s wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium? Its CoRn Y
  • What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar? OH SNaP!
  • I used to know a lot of science jokes, but now they argon.
  • I can eat sugar with either hand… I’m ambidextrose.
  • I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
  • Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts!
  • The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
  • What’s 2 times 2?
    Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”
    Mathematician: “After some consideration I can now prove that the solution exists!”
    Engineer: “4, obviously, but let’s make it 5, just to be on the safe side.”

Science Humor That Will Brighten Your Day

What funny can happen in biochemical medium? We did not know too; until the moment we have read these witties. You must recognize yourself in the second joke – if you are a student of a biochemical faculty. Or you may like to tease your friends about the genetics, which is pretty funny! However, to mock your enemies (a bit rude word, but still) is much better. Can you imagine their faces when you crack some jokes – that scene will just prove that their brains are slightly… slow-working.

  • What do you do with a sick biochemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.
  • Me doing biochemistry: biochemistry, biochemiscry, biochemiswhy, biochemisby.
  • Why did the gene crossover? To get to the non-sister homologue stupid!
  • Make like a melanogaster and buzz off!
  • Schrödinger was crossing the Mexican/US border illegally when he got caught by an immigration agent. The agent asked a few preliminary questions, and then, suspecting foul play, requested to inspect the trunk of the car. Schrödinger popped it open, and heard the agent say, “Did you know there is a dead cat in here?”, to which Schrödinger replied, “Well, I do now.”
  • Q: How do you make a hormone?  A: Don’t pay her.
  • When the astronomy department found out their famous professor was not going to get the Nobel prize this year, they decided to hold a party for him anyway and give him a constellation prize instead.
  • The doctor tells a woman that she has only six months to live. He advises her to marry a chemist and move to Toledo.
    The woman asks, “Will this cure my illness?”
    “No,” replies the doctor, “but it will make six months seem like a very long time.”

Short Science Related Jokes

The linguistics can also be useful, even in day-to-day life. The word playing, if used properly, can show a real cleverness and intelligence. Try to crack some similar jokes being in the group of your friends, and you will definitely see the positive reaction and the respect to your smartness. What is more, almost everything that involves the animals usually considered to be cute. Well, these teases are really amusing and understandable even for those who are not connected with the sciences at all.

  • A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”. Another Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”
  • If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
  • Q: What do you call the leader of a biology gang? A: The nucleus.
  • Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.
  • Do you want to know how often I say element jokes? Periodically.
  • How do you tell the difference between boys and girls? Take their genes down.
  • A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
    “What do we want?”.
    “Time travel”
    “When do we want it?”.
    “Irrelevant.”
  • Why did the scientist take out his doorbell? He wanted to win the no-bell prize!

Stupid Science One Liners

The majority of the jokes are quite well-written and thoughtful, though we should say that there are also corny ones. Well, a bit of training – and the humor skills will be improved! Just remember that these are the examples of how you should not joke.

  • I was going to tell a good chemistry joke, but they argon.
  • When a third grader was asked to cite Newton’s first law, she said, “Bodies in motion remain in motion, and bodies at rest stay in bed unless their mothers call them to get up.”
  • What does a subatomic duck say? Quark.
  • What is a cation afraid off? The dogions!
  • Q: Where does bad light end up? A: In a prism.
  • Three logicians walk into a bar. “You all want a beer?” the bartender asks.
    “I don’t know,” says the first logician.
    “I don’t know either,” says the second logician.
    Says the third logician, “If that’s the case, then we all want a beer.”
  • Unknown Fact: You can be cooled to -273.15C and be 0K.
  • Did you hear about the the research biologist who began his presentation at an international conference by saying, “This truth we hold as being self-evident: Life is a sexually transmitted disease.”

Clean Science Jokes

To say dirty things in a scientific language is amazingly cool. You can impress your girlfriend or boyfriend with such teasing phrases and show your intelligence simultaneously. We hope that you will get a bit more than just laugh from your beloved person. There is something weird about these sayings – they are created to laugh out loud. However, the first thing you realize when reading it – “For what reason it was said, actually?”. The word “dorky” perfectly describes these two, and we believe that you will agree with us.

  • We’ll get this cell cycle started, baby, once you hit my G1 point.
  • A psychoanalyst shows a patient an inkblot, and asks him what he sees. The patient says: “A man and woman making love.” The psychoanalyst shows him a second inkblot, and the patient says: “That’s also a man and woman making love.” The psychoanalyst says: “You are obsessed with sex.” The patient says: “What do you mean I’m obsessed? You’re the one with all the dirty pictures.”
  • Many people ask me why I chose Forensic Medicine as a career, and I tell them that it is because a forensic man gets the honor of being called when the top doctors have failed!
  • Three statisticians go hunting for deer. They spot one off in the distance. The first one shoots about a meter too high, the second one, about a meter too low, the third one yells, “We got it!”
  • A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads “Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-‘s”
  • Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes!
  • One tectonic plate bumped into another and said, “Sorry, my fault.”
  • Why is quantum mechanics is the original “original hipster”? A. It described the universe before it was cool.

Witty Science Jokes For Nerds

If you really like the forensic science – welcome to the club! One can say that the admirers of this field tend to have grim humor, as they work actually with the death and its aftermaths. To be honest, one can need to be really bold and brave to deal with forensic, as well as a pack of such lolable jokes in the archives.

  • How many forensic scientists does it take to change a light bulb? Two – one to screw it in and one to check for fingerprints.
  • What’s the difference between a mathematician and a forensic scientist? A mathematician thinks that two points are enough to define a straight line while a forensic scientist wants more data.
  • Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested? He was released without charge.
  • You’re so hot, you denature my proteins.
  • What do computers like to eat? Chips!
  • A neutrino walks through a bar.
  • Q: Why did Werner Heisenberg detest driving cars? A: Because, every time he looked at the speedometer he got lost!
  • An interesting paradox: Noses run but feet smell.

Scientist Jokes To Make You Laugh

Do you remember the famous phrase of Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory series about the gravity? He was pretty aware of all that physical thing. With these flirty science jokes we picked for you, you will be able to become a modern Sheldon Cooper among your friends! Well, at least you will be able to try. Proved by the true nerds. The scientists have no time for fun! They are saving the planet, the mankind, the biology, the animals’ world… Who is on duty today and can save the scientists and their sense of humor? The scientists jokes are coming!

  • A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.
  • Baby let’s measure the amplitude of our physical wave.
  • I might be a physics major, but I’m no Bohr in bed.
  • If you were Anatomy, then I’d be Physiology because they always go together!
  • Why are men sexier than women? You can’t spell sexy without XY
  • Q: If you ask a Russian cosmonaut when is his favorite moment to snack, how does he answer?  A: “Launch time.”
  • Teamwork is essential, because you can always blame someone else.
  • Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.

Hilarious Scientific Jokes

DNA is a quite stable thing, so it is difficult to create new puns for it constantly; however, the classic is still fashionable and useful. If you suppose that the new time should bring some fresh jokes – try using these ones! Everything can happen in the laboratories, as these places were designed for the experiments, monitoring, and innovative technologies implementation. We can make a supposition that this is a perfect place for the new jokes as well.

  • They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes.
  • If I was an enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.
  • One mouse to another: “Look at that fellow with a white coat on. Whenever I push the paddle, he starts writing something!!!”
  • A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • Q: Why can you never trust atoms? A: They make up everything!
  • Photons have mass? I didn’t know that they were Catholic.
  • Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
  • What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? A: I like your “style.”

Funny Science Jokes For Teachers

And now we are going to the nucleus! It is surprisingly cool that there are so many lulz about the nucleus components. Probably, there is a joke for anything on this planet!

  • An ion meets his atom friend on the street and says he’s lost an electron. “Are you sure?” asks the atom. The ion replies, “I’m positive.”
  • A photon checks into a hotel. When asked if it needs a bellman, it responds “No, I’m traveling light”
  • What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean? Try and be more PACIFIC!
  • There are two types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from from incomplete data.
  • Q: What did the dog say to his owner?  A: “My favorite frequency is 50,000 hertz but you’ve probably never heard of that.”
  • The wives of the American Society of Otolaryngologists have a cute saying: “The way to a man’s stomach is through his esophagus.”
  • An astronomy major had a part time job working in the university’s off-campus housing office. One day, a fellow student, upon entering the office in thought about the morning lecture, asked, “What is an astronomical unit?” To which the astronomy major replied, “One helluva big apartment.”
  • Where did the lightning bolt propose to his girlfriend?  Cloud 9.

Nerdy Science Jokes

In the modern world, we can rarely see the true nerds with totally no sense of humor. Now the people are witty and smart, what proves our evolution; it is stunningly good that the evolution touches the jokes too!

  • A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”. The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”
  • I was reading a book on anti-gravity. I found it difficult to put down.
  • What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel.
  • A dung beetle walks into a bar and says, “Excuse me, is this stool taken?”
  • Why are conspiracy theories are like moon landings? A. Because they’re all fake.
  • Organ donors really put their heart into it.
  • An infectious disease walks into a bar.  The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”  It replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
  • How do Scientists freshen their breath? With Experi-Mints!

Silly And A Bit Lame Science Jokes

We remember the time when the term “lamer” concerned only the persons unable to deal with the computers and the IT sphere in general. Now it can be met in any field, describing an individual, who is incapable to understand something. Hope, you are not included in this group.

  • Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
  • A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.
  • Why were the Romans so bad at algebra? They always ended up with X equals 10.
  • A physicist while exiting the theater after seeing the movie Star Wars bumped into a fellow physicist. Inspired by the movie, he blurted to his friend, “May the mass times acceleration be with you.”
  • Confucius once said, “When you breathe, you inspire, and when you do not breathe, you expire.”
  • “Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it’s not in cockroaches.” – a New York City tenant.
  • “Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it’s not in cockroaches.” – a New York City tenant.How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.
  • What did the receiver say to the radio wave?  Ouch! That megahertz.

The Funniest Scientific Jokes

The scientific jokes often turn to be understandable only to those who relate to the sphere discussed. However, there is also a great number of pretty clear puns like these – we have found them for you to use in any group of people and get a lot of laugh. If you have a talent to compare the things metaphorically, and even can put together density and the relationships – start creating the new jokes! These are too old to be used in the conversations, actually, so we highly recommend to have them only as the foundation for your own ones.

  • A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” “No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.
  • How often do I make chemistry-related jokes? Periodically!
  • The name’s Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
  • Three statisticians go hunting for deer. They spot one off in the distance. The first one shoots about a meter too high; the second one, about a meter too low; the third one yells, “We got it!”
  • Q: Why do pirates like algebra?  A: “Annex” marks the spot.
  • Air resistance is a real drag.
  • Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.
  • What is a rock’s favorite cereal to eat? Coco-pebbles!

Cool Science Jokes (Some Are Sex Related)

Have you ever heard that the intelligence is the new sexy? With the intellectual growth of the mankind, there came the demand to be not only smart but sexy. By the way, sex is a real science – do you want to become a Ph.D. of poses?

  • After sex, one behaviorist turned to another behaviorist and said, “That was great for you, but how was it for me?”
  • You’re like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!
  • I’m reading a book on anti gravity. I’m finding it difficult to put down.
  • Q: What’s the difference between an auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic? A: The quantum mechanic can get the car inside the garage without opening the door.
  • Q: How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? A: An itsy bitsy book.
  • Q: What is Preparation A?  A: It is the name of an over-the-counter product used to relieve the pain and suffering of asteroids.
  • Timmy’s teacher asks the class, “What is the chemical formula for water?”
    Timmy pipes up and replies, “HIJKLMNO!!!”
    Timmy’s teacher asks, “Where did you get that from?”
    Timmy replies, “Yesterday you said it was H to O!”
  • Q: What element is a girl’s future best friend? A: Carbon.

Science Teacher Jokes

Humor is a real weapon nowadays. To say something with a laugh is still to say that – and to accentuate the problem you laugh at. The famous comedians make their best to turn the attention of the masses to the hottest problems – and they make a big work. Do you remember that odd humor of your class teacher? Every teaching person tries to add a bit of laugh to the process, just for lightening the atmosphere. However, it usually leads to awkward silence.

  • Old chemistry teachers never die, they just fail to react.
  • In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
  • A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
    The frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”
    “No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”
  • Q: Why did the chicken cross the möbius strip?  A: To get to the same side.
  • The cost of the space program is astronomical.
  • There are 10 kinds of people in this world:  those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

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Best Science Jokes For Adults

The relationship jokes can be understood by any age group (we mean those ages with the full awareness of the responsibility of any kind). We do not want to offend the youth, but the adults have a bit more experience – statistically, thus they can speak about a greater number of the couple topics. And joke a little more too.

  • What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? “You may have graduated but I’ve got many degrees!”
  • A physicist told me I had a lot of potential… Then he pushed me off the roof.
  • Q: What is a nuclear physicist’s favorite meal?  A: Fission Chips.
  • Q: What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? A: Designer jeans.
  • Nitrogen asked Oxygen out on a date, Oxygen said NO.
  • A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.

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Good Science Jokes For Students

When you are young, everything seems to be funny and cool. All the things call: “Make fun, make fun of me, immediately!”. Someone became a real comedian in the youth, someone just laughs at the puns, but the middle school humor remains one of the lightest and nicest. We are pretty sure that you know the popular meme with the scientific cat. Just look at the facial expression of it! He looks like a real Ph.D., you know; anything that is put in this image gets a scientific atmosphere. These jokes and pics, inter alia, have the scientific humor.

  • Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?? – Omg!
  • What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms? – 2Na.
  • A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”
    “You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.
    “That’s it! I can never remember that word.”
  • Newton, Pascal and Archimedes are playing hide and seek. Archimedes starts to count, Pascal hides in a bush, and Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it. Archimedes finds Newton first, of course, but Newton replies, “Nope. One Newton on one square meter is equal to one Pascal.”
  • Wanna hear a pun about gold?
  • Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.

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Pick Your Science Joke Of The Day

The rocket science is one of the most dangerous things in the world, as a tiny mistake in the experiments can turn into a catastrophe – and even those, who have no relation to the unlucky experiment can also suffer. Fortunately, the jokes are not harmful at all, so you can play with them the way you want! Do you know that the scientific jokes can involve even the traditional celebrations into the discussions? The Christmas is near, and even the scientists, who are tired with all those studies and hours spent in the laboratories, start talking about the rest and the holidays.

  • A Higgs Boson walks into the bar on a Sunday, & the bartender says, “you gotta go to Church right now.” Higgs Boson asks, “Why?”. Bartender says, “Well, without you, they can’t have mass”.
  • Where does the bad light ends up? In prism!
  • What runs faster, cold or hot? Hot, because you can catch a cold!
  • Uranium-238 and plutonium-239 walk into a bar. After having a few drinks they split. There were no survivors within a 23 block radius.
  • Physicist’s favorite bumper sticker saying: “Absolute zero is cool!”
  • Three statisticians go duck hunting. A duck flies by, and the first fires a shot, which goes a foot too high. The second tries, but his shot goes a foot too low. The third jumps up and shouts: “We got it!”

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Top Science Puns And Jokes

The best jokes are the shortest ones. The brains should not think a lot before laughing – that is the main thing with humor. That is why these ridicules settled the top places in the list of witty scientific jokes for today. Those cold-hearted men and women in white also can love and so that sophisticatedly! Really, it is so cool to add some science to such an emotional and pure thing as love. Well, a bit of fun is always good, especially if there are too much boring and cool scientific approaches.

  • Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
  • Which doctor is the worst seen by his patients? The ophthalmologist.
  • Are you made of Copper and Tellurium? Because you are Cu-Te.
  • Do you like Science? Because I’ve got my ion you!
  • What was the name of the first Electricity Detective? Sherlock Ohms.
  • How easy is it to count in binary? It’s as easy as 01 10 11.

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Science Jokes and Puns
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