Hilarious Pirate Jokes That Are So Bad They Are Actually Funny

hilarious pirate joke 1

Ahoy, me hearties!
Getting ready for Talk Like a Pirate Day and wanna brush up on your best pirate humor?
Or having a pirate-themed party and need some really funny pirate jokes that Arr witty and silly enough to make all your guests just weep with merriment?

Knock-knock!
This page is exactly what you’ve looked for!
Get inspired by the most hilarious pirate jokes for adults and kids on the net.

Just scroll down the page to read some really good stuff:

Funny Pirate Jokes to Talk Like a Pirate

To have fun on Talk Like a Pirate Day (on September 19th), we have gathered a list of the funniest pirate jokes for you:

  • Why did the pirate cross the road? – To reach the second hand shop.
  • How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? – An arm and a leg.
  • How do pirates prefer to communicate? – Aye to aye!
  • What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer? – Shiver me timbers!
  • To err is human. To arr is seriously pirate.
  • How do pirates communicate with each other? – With an Aye phone.
  • What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark? – A bird that will talk your head off.
  • Why do pirates make great lawyers? – Because they have very good arrrrguments.
  • What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor? Robin Hook!

The Best Pirate Jokes for Kids

Take a hook… look! … at the best pirate jokes for kids that will make them laugh out loud from here to the Caribbean:

  • What did the ocean say to the pirate? – Nothing, it just waved.
  • What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school? – Captain Hooky!
  • What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer? – A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
  • What vegetable do pirates fear? – Leeks!
  • What subject are pirates best at at school? – Arrrrt.
  • What is pirates’ favorite choice of music? – aRR n’ B
  • 3.14% of sailors are Pi Rates.
  • What’s a pirates favourite part of a song? The hook!
  • Where do pirates put their weapons? – In their enemies.

Hilariously Bad Pirate Jokes

Ahoy, maties!
The Golden Age of Piracy is not so far in the past as long as these bad pirate jokes are alive:

  • What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? – A nervous wreck.
  • How do ye turn a pirate furious? – Take away the “p.”
  • What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? – A plank.
  • Why are pirates such eager readers of the Playboy? – Because of the arrrticles.
  • Who was the first pirate? – Noah, the builder of the Arrrrk.
  • What is a pirate’s favorite letter? – P. because it would be an R, but it’s missing a leg.
  • How much does it cost a pirate to get a piercing? – A buck an ear!
  • A Pirate ship comes ashore for a night at a mysterious island between Arabia and India. The first mate ends up in a bar sitting at a table with an oil lamp on it. The lamp is dirty, so he rubbs it clean, and a great genie comes out, granting him any three wishes he wants. Immediatly he wishes for a huge mug of beer that can never run dry. “Granted” says the genie. Excitedly the pirate downs the entire mug, and as promised, it magically refills it self. He empties it again, and it again, magically refills, just like he wanted. “This is great!” he says. “And what about your second and third wished?” asks the geni. The pirate, still excited about his mug quickly says, “I’ll have two more just like this!»
  • What do pirates wear in the winter? Long Johns!

Bad Pirate Booty Jokes

Share these awful pirate jokes with your friends on this booty-ful day:

  • What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes? – 8 pirates.
  • Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards? – Because the captain was standing on the deck!
  • Where do pirates keep their valuables? – In a JARRRR!
  • How do you piss off a pirate? – Take away the ‘P’!
  • How did Captain Hook died? – Multiple stabbings. He got a bad case of an itchy rash.
  • Why don’t pirate marriages last much? – Because of all the arrrrguments.
  • A little kid with a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate and goes trick or treating. he knocks on the door of a house and a man answers. “oh, i can see you’re dressed up as a pirate.” the man says. “but where are your buccaneers?” the kid gets really mad, and says “on the sides of my buckin’ head!»
  • Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground? Because booty is only shin deep!
  • What do you call a pirate with three eyes? Piiirate!

Corny Pirate Jokes Which Are Silly but Clean

What is the punch line of a good pirate joke? – It should be as silly and bad as possible.
Just like these knock-knock pirate jokes:

  • How do pirates know that they are pirates? – They think, therefore they ARRRR!
  • Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet? – Because they spend years at «C»!
  • What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands and two legs? – A beginner.
  • Why don’t the Chinese make very good pirates? – Because they’re not very strong in the ‘Arrrr!’ department.
  • Steve: I know a pirate with a wooden leg called Joe. – Really? I wonder what he called his hook.
  • Why don’t you usually see a pirate that is a smoker? – Because they use the patch.
  • How do pirates like to cook their steaks? On a BAAAARRRRRBECUE!
  • Pirate pick up lines: – Oh you make my Roger Jolly! – Is that a wooden leg or are you that happy to see me? – Do you mind if I drop anchor in your lagoon? – Care to do some booty plundering with me? – Surrender your booty!
  • What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare? – A sunken chest with no booty!

Good Old Pirate Dad Jokes

To get your old scalawag started, we’ve got a list of good old pirate jokes.
Your dad is gonna lovvvve them:

  • Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? – Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
  • What did one pirate say to the other? – I SEA you!
  • How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast? – Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
  • It always struck me as odd that the Pirates of the Caribbean DVD had a piracy warning…
  • What is regularly given to the sea around 8 am, if the digestion is right? – The captain’s log.
  • How do you greet a Spanish pirate guy with a rubber toe? – Hola Ruberto!
  • Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ”Bring me my Red Shirt.” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates. Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day’s triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, ”Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle? The captain replied, ”If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.’’ All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man as Captain Bravo. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching from the far horizon. The crew stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply. Captain Bravo calmly shouted, ”Get me my brown pants.’’
  • What is a pirate’s favorite movie? – Booty and the Beast. (But it is arr-rated.)
  • What does a Jewish pirate say? – Ahoy vey!

Cheesy Pirate Jokes – One Liners for Adults

Hilarious pirate one-liners for adults arr total hidden treasures! Have a fantastic day with these jolly roger jokes.

  • Why is pirating so addictive? – They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
  • How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply? – He bought it on sail.
  • How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? – A buccaneer.
  • A book never written: «Pirate Treasure» by Barry Moore.
  • What does the pirate say when he steps on a Lego? – Arrrrrgh!!!
  • What kind of a ship is most feared by pirates? – The Steady Relationship.
  • What happened to the pirate when his wooden leg caught fire? – He got burned to the ground.
  • Yo mama so fat her favorite pirate is chips ahoy.
  • Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

And no matter if it’s September 19 or not, for these clean pirate jokes you can use any day of the year!