Science Jokes and Puns

The modern world has plenty of sciences – old and new ones, so the number of different PhDs, doctors, and the other scientists is really great. Be sure, these nerds have pretty much in common with the “cool guys” – the sense of humor, braveness and a huge box of jokes, as without these elements it is totally impossible to deal with the sciences. All the people adore those who are able to make them laugh, and the academics are not the exceptions. Moreover, they dare to diss their colleagues! Here we have the best science jokes for you to see that the intelligent people can and should laugh as much as it is possible.

To joke at our mother-planet is not a good idea. Well, it is good, if really light. The Earth is a bit bad with the puns, as it is no longer willing to joke with us. Honestly, when the things get worse, we can only laugh – so here are the few cool sayings that will cheer you up!

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“How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.”

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“Google-Earth gave you the opportunity to go and see anywhere in the world. So what do you do? You go and look at your house?”

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We could not imagine, what funny can be said about the bacteria, as they are too tiny and pitiful creatures to be laughed at (if forget about the fact we deal with them almost every second); but some persons could impress us with these wonderful jokes!

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“Why did the amoeba cross the road? It was time to split.”

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“Why did the bacteria fail the math test? He thought multiplication was the same as division.”

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Every newcomer-comedian starts with the cheesy jokes. There are, of course, the cases of a true talent revealing but these are the exceptions that just prove the rule. Well, we wanted to help you understand what are the good jokes, and what are the silly ones – the next two belong to the second category.

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“What’s wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium? Its CoRn Y”

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“What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar? OH SNaP!”

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What funny can happen in biochemical medium? We did not know too; until the moment we have read these witties. You must recognize yourself in the second joke – if you are a student of a biochemical faculty.

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“What do you do with a sick biochemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.”

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“Me doing biochemistry: biochemistry, biochemiscry, biochemiswhy, biochemisby.”

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To tease your friends about the genetics is pretty funny! However, to mock your enemies (a bit rude word, but still) is much better. Can you imagine their faces when you crack some jokes – that scene will just prove that their brains are slightly… slow-working.

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“Why did the gene crossover? To get to the non-sister homologue stupid!”

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“Make like a melanogaster and buzz off!”

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The linguistics can also be useful, even in day-to-day life. The word playing, if used properly, can show a real cleverness and intelligence. Try to crack some similar jokes being in the group of your friends, and you will definitely see the positive reaction and the respect to your smartness.

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“A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”. Another Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.””

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“If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.”

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The majority of the jokes are quite well and thoughtful, though we should say that there are also corny ones. Well, a bit of training – and the humor skills will be improved! Just remember that these are the examples of how you should not joke.

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“I was going to tell a good chemistry joke, but they argon.”

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“When a third grader was asked to cite Newton’s first law, she said, “Bodies in motion remain in motion, and bodies at rest stay in bed unless their mothers call them to get up.””

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Almost everything that involves the animals usually considered to be cute. Well, these teases are really amusing and understandable even for those who are not connected with the sciences at all.

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“What does a subatomic duck say? Quark.”

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“What is a cation afraid off? The dogions!”

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To say dirty things in a scientific language is amazingly cool. You can impress your girlfriend or boyfriend with such teasing phrases and show your intelligence simultaneously. We hope that you will get a bit more than just laugh from your beloved person.

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“We’ll get this cell cycle started, baby, once you hit my G1 point”

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“A psychoanalyst shows a patient an inkblot, and asks him what he sees. The patient says: “A man and woman making love.” The psychoanalyst shows him a second inkblot, and the patient says: “That’s also a man and woman making love.” The psychoanalyst says: “You are obsessed with sex.” The patient says: “What do you mean I’m obsessed? You’re the one with all the dirty pictures.””

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There is something weird with these sayings – they are created to laugh out loud. However, the first thing you realize when reading it – “For what reason it was said, actually?”. The word “dorky” perfectly describes these two, and we believe that you will agree with us.

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“Many people ask me why I chose Forensic Medicine as a career, and I tell them that it is because a forensic man gets the honor of being called when the top doctors have failed!”

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“Three statisticians go hunting for deer. They spot one off in the distance. The first one shoots about a meter too high, the second one, about a meter too low, the third one yells, “We got it!””

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Humor is a real weapon nowadays. To say something with a laugh is still to say that – and to accentuate the problem you laugh at. The famous comedians make their best to turn the attention of the masses to the hottest problems – and they make a big work.

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That`s nothing! This one here is from tar sand extraction, this one is a dam, and...and this one is from an asteroid.

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I love the way the earth rotates it really makes my day

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If you really like the forensic science – welcome to the club! One can say that the admirers of this field tend to have grim humor, as they work actually with the death and its aftermaths. To be honest, one can need to be really bold and brave to deal with forensic, as well as a pack of such lolable jokes in the archives.

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“How many forensic scientists does it take to change a light bulb? Two – one to screw it in and one to check for fingerprints.”

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“What’s the difference between a mathematician and a forensic scientist? A mathematician thinks that two points are enough to define a straight line while a forensic scientist wants more data.”

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Do you remember the famous phrase of Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory series about the gravity? He was pretty aware of all that physical thing. With these flirty jokes we picked for you, you will be able to become a modern Sheldon Cooper among your friends! Well, at least you will be able to try.

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“Baby lets measure the amplitude of our physical wave.”

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“I might be a physics major, but I’m no Bohr in bed. “

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Physiology is all we have every second of our life. Why shouldn’t we laugh at it? Especially if use the physiological teasing as a flirtation tool. It really works! Proved by the true nerds.

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“If you were Anatomy, then I’d be Physiology because they always go together!”

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“Why are men sexier than women? You can’t spell sexy without xy”

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The relationship jokes can be understood by any age group (we mean those ages with the full awareness of the responsibility of any kind). We do not want to offend the youth, but the adults have a bit more experience – statistically, thus they can speak about a greater number of the couple topics. And joke a little more too.

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You`re like really hot. How are you single? I hurt anyone who gets too close

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Nice ash. Volcanic pick-up lines

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DNA is a quite stable thing, so it is difficult to create new puns for it constantly; however, the classic is still fashionable and useful. If you suppose that the new time should bring some fresh jokes – try using these ones!

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“They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes.”

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“If I was an enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes”

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Everything can happen in the laboratories, as these places were designed for the experiments, monitoring, and innovative technologies implementation. We can make a supposition that this is a perfect place for the new jokes as well.

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“One mouse to another: “Look at that fellow with a white coat on. Whenever I push the paddle, he starts writing something!!!””

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“A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.”

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And now we are going to the nucleus! It is surprisingly cool that there are so many lulz about the nucleus components. Probably, there is a joke for anything on this planet!

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“An ion meets his atom friend on the street and says he’s lost an electron. “Are you sure?” asks the atom. The ion replies, “I’m positive.””

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“A photon checks into a hotel. When asked if it needs a bellman, it responds “No, I’m traveling light””

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In the modern world, we can rarely see the true nerds with totally no sense of humor. Now the people are witty and smart, what proves our evolution; it is stunningly good that the evolution touches the jokes too!

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“A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”. The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.””

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“I was reading a book on anti-gravity. I found it difficult to put down.”

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We remember the time when the term “lamer” concerned only the persons unable to deal with the computers and the IT sphere in general. Now it can be met in any field, describing an individual, who is incapable to understand something. Hope, you are not included in this group.

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“Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.”

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“A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.”

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When you are young, everything seems to be funny and cool. All the things call: “Make fun, make fun of me, immediately!”. Someone became a real comedian in the youth, someone just laughs at the puns, but the middle school humor remains one of the lightest and nicest.

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“Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?? – Omg!”

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“What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms? – 2Na.”

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Here is the popular meme with the scientific cat. Just look at the facial expression of it! He looks like a real Ph.D., you know; anything that is put in this image gets a scientific atmosphere. These pics, inter alia, have the chemical humor.

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I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction

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You talk funny when you breathe helium He He He

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The rocket science is one of the most dangerous things in the world, as a tiny mistake in the experiments can turn into a catastrophe – and even those, who have no relation to the unlucky experiment can also suffer. Fortunately, the jokes are not harmful at all, so you can play with them the way you want!

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“A Higgs Boson walks into the bar on a Sunday, & the bartender says, “you gotta go to Church right now.” Higgs Boson asks, “Why?”. Bartender says, “Well, without you, they can’t have mass”.”

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“Where does the bad light ends up? In prism!”

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Do you know that the scientific jokes can involve even the traditional celebrations into the discussions? The Christmas is near, and even the scientists, who are tired with all those studies and hours spent in the laboratories, start talking about the rest and the holidays.

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Holmium tight this Christmas. HO HO HO

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Chemistree oh Chemistree

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The scientific jokes often turn to be understandable only to those who relate to the sphere discussed. However, there is also a great number of pretty clear puns like these – we have found them for you to use in any group of people and get a lot of laugh.

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A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” “No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”

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“How often do I make chemistry-related jokes? Periodically!”

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The best jokes are the shortest ones. The brains should not think a lot before laughing – that is the main thing with humor. That is why these ridicules settled the top places in the list of witty scientific jokes for today.

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“Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.”

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“Which doctor is the worst seen by his patients? The ophthalmologist.”

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Those cold-hearted men and women in white also can love and so that sophisticatedly! Really, it is so cool to add some science to such an emotional and pure thing as love. Well, a bit of fun is always good, especially if there are too much boring and cool scientific approaches.

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“Are you made of Copper and Tellurium? Because you are Cu-Te”

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“Do you like Science? Because I’ve got my ion you!”

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Do you remember that odd humor of your class teacher? Every teaching person tries to add a bit of laugh to the process, just for lightening the atmosphere. However, it usually leads to awkward silence.

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“Old chemistry teachers never die, they just fail to react.”

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“In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.”

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The scientists have no time for fun! They are saving the planet, the mankind, the biology, the animals’ world… Who is on duty today and can save the scientists and their sense of humor? The short jokes are coming!

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“A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.”

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“One tectonic plate bumped into another and said, “Sorry, my fault.””

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If you have a talent to compare the things metaphorically, and even can put together density and the relationships – start creating the new jokes! These are too old to be used in the conversations, actually, so we highly recommend to have them only as the foundation for your own ones.

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Hey oil! Wanna hang out? I can`t mix with you guys. Hydrophobe!

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I was water before it got cool. Hipster ice cube.

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We said above that the best jokes tend to be cool. Forget about it! The one-liners can be the real examples of odd and stupid lulzes. The shortness is a sister to the talent and skills – if you have none of them, do not try to joke like this, please.

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“What was the name of the first Electricity Detective? Sherlock Ohms.”

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“How easy is it to count in binary? It’s as easy as 01 10 11.”

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Have you ever heard that the intelligence is the new sexy? With the intellectual growth of the mankind, there came the demand to be not only smart but sexy. By the way, sex is a real science – do you want to become a Ph.D. of poses?

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“After sex, one behaviorist turned to another behaviorist and said, “That was great for you, but how was it for me?””

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“You’re like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!”