Funny Chemistry Jokes and Puns and Periodic Table Jokes

When we were children, we used to think that chemistry was crazy hard. Well, we were one hundred percent right. Chemical equations, periodic table, endless formulas, valences and lord knows what else make this particular subject really, really interesting but never boring.

Moreover, scientists often turn out to be wittier than we think. Awesome hilarious chemistry jokes we collected for you only prove this hypothesis! You’ll like these scientific puns, no matter if you are a freshman or a Doctor of Science. They cover all the areas of the subject starting from gases and elements to the nucleus and organic molecules. So if you like all this scientific stuff, just find some time and enjoy the best chemical gags!

Chemical Equation Jokes

It’s commonly considered that there is nothing funny in chemical equations. Well, it really seems that there is nothing more serious than complicated calculations, but these funny puns prove that scientists have the sense of humor too! Of course, they are not for all – if you understand them, you are definitely chosen!

GAGA = (RAH)2(AH)3 + [ROMA (1+MA)] + (GA)2 + (OOH) (LA)2
What is uranium + fluorine + oxygen? Answer: UFO
H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4? Drinking.
A chemistry teacher is recruited as a radio operator in the first world war. He soon becomes familiar with the military habit of abbreviating everything. As his unit comes under a sustained enemy attack, he is asked to urgently inform his HQ.
“NaCl over NaOH! NaCl over NaOH!” he says.
“NaCl over NaOH?” shouts his officer. “What do you mean?”
“The base is under a salt!” The chemist replied.
Q: What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
A: 2 Na
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: (H2O)3.
Q: If there’s H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside?
A: K9P
Q: What does a teary-eyed, joyful Santa say about chemistry?
A: HOH, HOH, HOH!

Chemistry Puns

Goodness knows chemistry is perfect for making hilarious wordplays! Just take a look at the periodic table that says ‘Hey guy let’s create some puns!’ Don’t hold back – check these gags out! Who knows, maybe they will inspire you to create your own funny element jokes!

Q: What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?
A: A CaNiNe
Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium? How did it go? It went OK2!
Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
I think these jokes are sodium funny… In fact, I slapped my neon that one!
Q: What did the chemical agent say?
A: My name is Bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared
What did the thermometer say to the measuring cylinder? “You may be graduated, but I have several degrees.”
Q: What do you call a wheel made of iron?
A: A ferrous wheel
My uncle was a chemist,
He isn’t any more,
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4

Biochemistry Jokes

Do you consider chemistry to be complicated as hell? And what about this subject combined with molecular biology? Well though it is really, really tough, the scientist can’t help making jokes about it! So if you are lucky to understand some hilarious but complicated scientific jokes, take a look at these ones!

Q: What washes up on beaches?
A: Nucleotides
Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite amino acid?
A: Arrrrrr-ginine.
I’ve been reading this book about Helium, I just can’t put it down!
What two elements do sheep yell out when happy? BaH.
Q: How ugly is your mom?
A: Even Fluorine won’t bind to her!
If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed!
Riddle: Two chemistry students walk into a bar.
The first says, “I’ll order an H2O.”
The second then says, “I’ll order an H2O too.”
Why did the second student die?
Why did the attacking army use acid?
To neutralize the enemy’s base.

Chemistry Mole Jokes

These gags are like the powerful chemical reaction – if you get in touch with them, they will definitely blow you away. You can feel free to tell these science based gags to your friends, of course, if they are really good in chemistry. Otherwise, they will think you’re a nerdy bastard.

Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro’s number!
A small furry mammal walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, our maximum occupancy is only 6.00 x 1023. We can’t serve a mole”
Q: What do you call a clown in prison?
A: Silicon
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.
I must be an exothermic reaction because I’m running out of energy.
What element is derived from a Norse god?
Thorium.
Q: Is life an alloy?
A: I said it because LiFe!
Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!

Chemistry One Liners

Who said that jokes have to be long to be hilarious? Check these one-liners out – they will show you that you don’t have to tell the whole story to make someone laugh. So, dear chemists tell these gags to your colleagues and don’t forget about the lab safety.

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.
Q: What is the chemical formula for “banana”? A: BaNa2
The name’s Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What’s Iron Man’s favorite amusement park ride? The ferrous wheel.
Q: Why can’t lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
Q: What’s the fastest Noble gas?
A: Neeeeeon.
How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate?
They use a Sulfone.
Q: What is CH2O?
A: Seawater

Chemistry Riddles

Dear boys and girls, it’s time for funny scientific riddles! Don’t be said if you don’t understand them – maybe it’s a good reason to increase knowledge. If they are a piece of cake for you, just don’t stop, the smarter you are the more hilarious compound jokes you understand!

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?
Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!
Q: What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy?
A: Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
If you’re not part of the solution…
…you’re part of the precipitate!
Q: Superman is a man. Batman is a man. Spiderman is a man. So why is Ironman a woman?
A: Because she is a Female.
How did the hipster chemist burn his hand?
He picked up his beaker before it was cool.
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO.

Nerdy Chemistry Jokes

Pray for Big Bang Theory – this show made us think that smart is the new sexy! The times when nerds were marginalized in the society are long gone. Now when you tell the NMR joke, the girl is impressed, even if she understands nothing. So don’t miss your chance and demonstrate how educated you are!

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, “For you, no charge”.
Q: When one physicist asks another, “What’s new?” what’s the typical response?
A: C over lambda.
Argon walks into a bar, the bartender says “We don’t serve nobles gasses here.” Argon doesn’t react.
What’s the difference between chemistry jokes and physics jokes?
Chemistry jokes can be funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.
Carbon and a hydrogen went on a date. They really bonded.
What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
Breaking up is hard to do.
Q: How did the blonde define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? A: Fear of utility bills.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na.

Сhemistry Humor

Wanna look smart? Wanna impress people? Tell them some of these funny scientific gags. If you can’t remember them write them down or learn by heart, be sure that it’s worth it. No one guarantees that your friends will understand them, but who cares, you still get a great reputation!

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn’t put it down.
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates.
Someone threw sodium chloride at me.
I yelled, “That’s a salt!”
Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.
Q: What is H2SO4?
A: It’s FOR drinking, bathing, washing, swimming and mixing with scotch.
Got a question? Ask a chemist, they have all the solutions.
What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from? Separation anxiety.

Corny Chemistry Jokes

Breaking Bad made chemistry super popular top science. Showing that you are good on this subject makes your popular and trendy, and the sense of humor make you the superstar! So keep calm, enjoy the perfect gags and remember that you are not in danger, you are the danger!

Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium
I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO
What is a cation afraid of? A dogion.
Q: What two elements do sheep belt when happy? A: BaH
What did silver say to gold at the bar?
“Au, get outta here!”
Q: How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?
A: Avocados number.
Why do chemists find working with ammonia easy?
Because it’s pretty basic stuff.
Q: What did one titration say to the other?
A: “Let’s meet at the endpoint.”
Do you know any good sodium jokes?
Na.
You should, they’re sodium funny!

Chemistry Love Jokes

Love is literally everywhere! Even chemical elements can’t help hiding their feelings – they create the adorable unions which will make you smile. If your girlfriend or boyfriend is the chemist, you can send her or him one of these cute puns. Be sure that they’ll like it and give you the sweetest reward!

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. “Oh Bunsen, my flame,” the sodium pined. “I melt whenever I see you,” The Bunsen burner replied, “It’s just a phase you’re going through.”
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.
Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium hooked up last night? OMg
Q: What did one ion say to the other?
A: I’ve got my ion you.
Chemists do it with moles.
When I learned how many electrons an oxygen atom needs to fill its first orbital, I was like :O
How can you spot a chemist in the restroom?
They wash their hands before they go.
Q: What do you get when you combine samarium, argon, tellurium, asenic, and sulfur?
A: SmArTe AsS

Biochem Jokes

Tired of puns about metal? Wanna something organic? Well, we have some more awesome biochem gags for you! We even found an original pickup line for you guys. Please feel free to use it when coming on to some hot and smart chick.

Q:What is the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
A: You can not hear an enzyme.
Pickup line: I wish I were adenine so I could be paired with U.
Q: How did the political science major define free radical on his chemistry exam?
A: A wild protestor.
Did you hear about oxygen’s date with potassium?
It went OK.
Q: Why should you go drinking with neutrons?
A: Wherever they go, there’s no charge
What do you do to an injured chemist? Helium
What do you do to a sick chemist? Curium
What do you do if neither of the above work? Barium.
I studied exothermic reactions before they were cool.
What did you do with Element 43 last night?
None of your Bismuth.

Bad Chemistry Jokes

These cool gags are for the dark humor fans only! They are not nice or sweet, but they’ll make you laugh your ass off. If you are too sensitive and think that there are some topics people just shouldn’t laugh at, you’d better ignore this category. If all of the above is not about you, just enjoy!

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
Q: What’s wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium? A: its CoRn Y
What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together? CsI!
At the end of the semester, a 10th-grade chemistry teacher asked her students what was the most important thing that they learned in lab. A student promptly raised his hand and said, “Never lick the spoon.”
I tried writing jokes about the periodic table…
…but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.
Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera. All of a sudden, she screamed: “Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!” The husband replied, “Calm down, honey. We’ll find a solution.”
Q: What do cowboy chemists say to their horses?
A: HIO Ag!

Funny Chemistry Questions and Answers

Question-answer jokes are extremely popular among people who are always ready to have some fun. They are short, witty and often ironic, and that, in turn, is the formula for making any hilarious pun! Check these gags out – maybe they will inspire you to make your own joke and to enlarge our collection!

Q: How did the chemist survive the famine?
A: By subsisting on titrations.
Q: What did one titration say to the other?
A: “Let’s meet at the endpoint.”
Q: What is the chemical formula for diarrhea?
A: (CO(NH2)2)2
Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
To reduce his carbon footprint.
Q: What did the chemist say when he found two new isotopes of Helium? A: HeHe.
Q: What is the dullest element?
A: Bohrium
What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep telling them until you get a reaction.

Inorganic Chemistry Jokes

Guys, we have some metal puns for you here! Can you imagine elements behaving like people? Can you imagine some weird but hilarious situations related to chemistry? If not, check these jokes out! If yes, just do the same – be sure that they will make you smile!

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, “AU, get outta here!”
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he’s stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: ” Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: “No, but I know where I am”.
An electron sitting in a prison asked a second electron cellmate, “What are you in for?” To which the latter replied, “For attempting a forbidden transition.”
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. “Oh Bunsen, my flame,” the sodium pined. “I melt whenever I see you,” The Bunsen burner replied, “It’s just a phase you’re going through.”
Chemists do it periodically on the table.
Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
To become a buffer solution.

Funny Chemistry Jokes

Celsius, Fahrenheit, gases, protons, neutrons… All these words are not usually associated with something funny. However, the creators of these cool gags prove that there are no boundaries for people’s imagination. If you are always interested how the scientists are joking, we have the answers for you.

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?
Helium walks into a bar, The bartender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.” Helium doesn’t react.
A Proton walks into a bar. Barman: “We only sell to protons, are you sure you are a proton?” Proton: “Yes, I’m positive”
What happens when you lower your body temperature to -273°C? Nothing, you’re perfectly 0K!
Q: Why is potassium a racist element?
A: Because, when you put three of them together, you get KKK.
The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The chemist sees the glass as completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the gaseous state.
if I was a carbonyl, would you like to be the nucleophile and attack me from the backside?

Dirty Chemistry Jokes

Well, dear boys and girls, it’s time for nasty puns! If you are smart enough to explain what nuclear fusion is, but also nasty enough to laugh at some naughty jokes, these ones are especially for you! Don’t be shy, don’t think they are inappropriate, just relax and have some fun!

I really need some SEX right now. No, really, I need some sodium ethyl xanthenes for my chemistry project.
Yo profile pic is so ugly, not even Fluorine would bond with you.
What is a chemist’s favorite kind of tree?
A chemistree.
Q: What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties? A: Methylated spirits.
Why should you go drinking with neutrons? Because wherever they go, there’s no charge!
Q: If a mole of moles were digging a mole of holes, what would you see?
A: A mole of molasses.
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren’t negative, they’re just misunderstood.
Q: What can you make with 6.023 x 1023 avocados?
A: Guacamole

Funny Chemistry Quotes

About what do you think when you hear the phrase “quotes by famous chemists”? Let us guess, you think about something nerdy and boring as hell? Well, you need some background knowledge to understand these quotes, but they are still hilarious. So enjoy them, remember them and impress your friends and colleagues!

Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
Physical Chemistry is research on everything for which the negative logarithm is linear with 1/T.
I would tell another chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.
How many physical chemists does it take to wash a beaker?
None, that’s what organic chemists are for.
Q: What did one titration tell the other? A: Let’s meet at the endpoint.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates!
The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines cation as a positively charged kitten.
We would like to apologize for not adding more jokes… but we only update them…. periodically!

Сhemical Formula Jokes

If you had ever seen the periodic table, you should have noticed that the letters denoting elements can be easily combined to create different words. And that’s exactly what the chemists with the sense of humor do. You don’t have to have a special education to understand them, so just relax and have some fun!

Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
Q: Wh?
A: CoFe2
at is the chemical formula for “coffee”
Q: When was the first Noble gas produced?
A: In 1164 AD, when Alfonso II, King of Aragon, ate the first burrito.
Q: Do I know the molecular formula for sodium hydride?
A: NaH.
Q: What element is a girl’s future best friend?
A: Carbon.
Q: Where does the German chemistry teacher put the used batteries of an electrolytic experiment?
A: In the zinc.
Q: What kind of fish has two sodium atoms?
A: 2Na.
Polymer chemists do it in chains.

Good Chemistry Jokes

We tried to find the different chemistry puns for you. This category of jokes contains simple puns, as well as the complicated gags. Believe us, you’ll find the one which will make you laugh, no matter if you have special education or not.

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? A: Na
There’s a PCR machine in the lab that, whilst it’s working, insists on telling jokes and generally messing about.The spectrophotometer turns to the centrifuge and says ”Look at him! What the hell does he think his job is?!”Centrifuge replies “Oh, he’s just cloning around”
Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.”
The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.
Two Atoms walk into a bar.
Atom 1: “crap I left an electron at home”
Atom 2: “Are you sure?”
Atom 1: “I’m positive”
Two atoms are walking down the street one says to the other “I’ve lost an electron!”, second atom says “Are you sure?”, first atom says “I’m positive!”
Q: Why aren’t chemists ever able to prank their friends?
A: Because they lack the element of surprise.
What was Avogadro’s favorite sport?
Golf! He always got a mole-in-one!
Titanium is a most amorous metal. When it gets hot, it’ll combine with anything.

Organic Chem Jokes

If you work in the lab and don’t know how to entertain your co-workers, just take a look at these hilarious organic chemistry puns! If you are working with inorganic elements, you can laugh at your colleagues working in the other field, if you are organic chemist yourself, why not to laugh at you favorite science?

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?
A: Because it’s made up of alkynes of people
Q: What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A: A KNiFe.
What did the chemist snack on during lunch?
A ‘gram’ cracker.
Two electrons are sitting in a jail cell.
One asks, “What are you in for?”
The other replies, “For attempting a forbidden transition.”
What do you call a bi-dr. 1,4 benzene ring?
a paradox
When my wealthy aunt died, I got all the antimony!
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

Chem Jokes

If you know what hydrogen dioxide is, you’ll definitely understand these hilarious and witty jokes. Their big advantage is that they are not only about chemistry; they are also about the phenomena of our daily life. So read these gags and enjoy the perfect combination of scientific and social details.

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI
Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it’s in the ground state.
Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite element? (your victim may assume “arrrrgon”.)
A: Gold.
Draw a circle of Fe, connect each one with a single bond so that it forms a circle, voila, a ferrous wheel
Q: How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam?
A: Fear of utility bills.
How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

Nuclear Chemistry Jokes

Nucleus is the basic element of everything, and chemists always remember about this. Even though there is nothing more serious and complicated than nuclear processes and properties, the specialist can help making jokes about it. Be sure that you’ll like them even you are the freshman!

Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
Q: What did one uranium-238 nucleus say to the other?
A: “Gotta split!”
Why did the attacking army use acid? To neutralize the enemy’s base!
Q: Since molecules are three dimensional, why are all the drawings of them flat?
A: Before they sketch them, they flatten them out first with an ion.
Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, “I’m positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them.”
Fe 2+ Fe 2+ Fe 2+ Fe 2+ Fe 2+ Fe 2+ Fe 2+
It’s a Ferrous wheel! (Iron ions in a circle)
Q: Why did Chlorine’s sisters Boron and Carbon lock her in the closet? A: Because she was too attractive!

Cute Chemistry Jokes

Believe us that scientific puns can be really, really nice. Just check these cute gags out! They are not dirty or bad, and you can even tell them to your friends who are not fully proficient in this particular subject.

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, “Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it.”
The neutron says “Are you sure?” The proton replies “I’m positive.”
Q: What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? A: “Au revoir”
A biologist and a physicist got married but they soon got divorced.
There was just no chemistry.
Old color chemists never dye.
They just fade away.
Girl, do u have 67 protons? Cuz u a Ho.
“Why do we need to talk about biology when we have so much Chemistry between us”. Zing!