Funny Relationship Jokes

Funny Relationship Jokes

The world you live in can be difficult and challenging, but nothing makes life go smoother and easier than laughter, which happens to be just as, if not more, crucial in your romantic relationship. Luckily for you, you don’t have to be a standup comedian to make your loved one smile. The Internet is full of girlfriend and boyfriend, wife and husband joke sites.

We’ve browsed through the most hilarious websites for loving people to create a collection of the best funny couple jokes. Here you’ll find different types of jokes about lovers such as silly before and after marriage jokes, cute jokes about dating, loyalty and old married couple, dirty married sex humor, corny cheating girlfriend jokes and boyfriend jokes about killing me, funny break up humor, corny divorced Barbie jokes and much more. Our collection includes all sorts of jokes so you can easily select the most excellent funny jokes to make your favorite person or spouse laugh.

  1. What kind of ship has two mates but no captain? A relationship.
  2. There are two times men don’t understand women. Before and after marriage.
  3. I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.
  4. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
  5. Why should you never break up with a goalie? Because he is a keeper.
  6. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.
  7. Love is a very complex matter of chemistry. And that is why my wife treats me like toxic waste!
  8. How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
  9. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
  10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Luke. Luke, who? Luke into my eyes and tell me that you love me.
  11. Q: Did you hear about the new “divorced” Barbie doll in stores now? A: It comes with all of Ken’s stuff.
  12. My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
  13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry, who? Harry up and kiss me!
  14. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
  15. Marriage is an incredible invention, but then again so is the toaster.
  16. I love a man with confidence. Without that, what’s left to destroy?
  17. Why should you never marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them!
  18. You are just like my car because you drive me crazy.
  19. Whenever your ex gf says, “You’ll never find someone like me,” the answer to that is, “That’s the point.”
  20. If it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults.
  21. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Keith. Keith, who? Keith me, my love!
  22. What’s the difference between love and marriage? Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.
  23. I love you today more than I did yesterday. And that is because you really ticked me off yesterday.
  24. I don’t know your name yet, but it must be Wi-Fi because I am feeling such a strong connection here.
  25. I’ve been in love with the same woman for 20 years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.
  26. My boyfriend used to tell me I was one in a million. After going through his text messages, I found out that he was right.
  27. Why do painters always fall for their models? Because they love them with all of their art.
  28. My husband is of the opinion that I am absolutely crazy. But if he is the one who decided to get married to me, then that makes him even crazier than I am.
  29. Girlfriend: Darling, will you give me a ring on our wedding day? Boyfriend: Sure, what is your number?
  30. My husband said he needed more space. I locked him outside.
  31. Let’s commit the perfect crime together. I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
  32. You are in my heart, my mind, and in my entire body. In fact, my doctor says that you must be a parasite!
  33. My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other. So, now it’s just a waiting game.
  34. I have been happily and blissfully married for 5 years…out of a total of 20.
  35. Teacher: “Answer this math problem: if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?” Student: “A heart attack.”
  36. Can I borrow a kiss from you? I promise you that I will give it back.
  37. Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.
  38. Want to convert your sofa into a sofa bed? Just forget your anniversary.
  39. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
  40. I bought my ex-girlfriend a mood ring for her birthday. When she’s happy, it turns blue. When she’s angry, it leaves a big red circle on my face.
  41. You are like my dentures. I cannot smile without you.
  42. I think you might be suffering from a lack of vitamin me.
  43. My wife is definitely a sex object in that every time I ask her for sex, she objects.
  44. You cannot buy love, but you can still pay heavily for it.
  45. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it.
  46. If love is “grand,” what is divorce? A hundred grand, or more!
  47. On a scale of 1 to 10, you are the only 1 for me.
  48. Love is grand… Divorce is 75 grand.
  49. A man admitted he lied on his income tax return: he listed himself as the head of the household!
  50. I know of no one who is happily married. Except my husband.
  51. What did one volcano say to the other volcano? I lava you.
  52. Love is a lot like peeing in your pants. Only you can feel the warm sensation from such an experience.
  53. Before you decide to make the commitment to marry a person, you should have them use a computer with a very slow internet connection so they can show you who they truly are.
  54. What did one boat say to the other boat? Are you interested in a little row-mance?
  55. Is a date a fruit or a vegetables? You don’t know until he’s at the door.
  56. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent!
  57. “I love you,” she said. “Is that you talking,” I asked, “Or the wine?” “It’s me talking to the wine.”
  58. Did I tell you that the girl I have been seeing works at the zoo? I think she’s a keeper.
  59. Don’t break anybody’s heart; they only have 1. Break their bones; they have 206.
  60. I’ve spent the last two years looking for my wife’s killer, but nobody will do it.
  61. Romantic love is a mental illness, but it is a pleasurable one.
  62. Wife: Do you want dinner? Husband: I don’t know. What are my choices? Wife: Yes or no.
  63. My girlfriend asked me if I ever wanted to get married. Apparently, “when I meet the right girl” was the wrong answer.
  64. Girlfriend: “Am I pretty or ugly?” Boyfriend: “You’re both.” Girlfriend: “What do you mean?” Boyfriend: “You’re pretty ugly.”
  65. The shortest sentence, “I am.” The longest sentence, “I do.”
  66. My husband and I had a blissful first twenty-five years. And then we met and got married.
  67. You know you’re getting old when your wife says, “Honey, lets run upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “I can’t do both.”
  68. Knock, knock. Who’s there? I love. I love, who? I love you too!
  69. My girlfriend says I don’t respect her privacy. At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.
  70. LOVE stands for Loss Of Valuable Energy.
  71. Once you’re married, people stop asking about your sex life. They know you don’t have one.
  72. The funniest joke of all time is my love life.
  73. You should never be in a big rush to end your marriage with your spouse. You never know if you might need them to finish a sentence.
  74. My wife is such a bad cook, the flies chipped in to fix the screens.
  75. I asked my girlfriend which she liked better, my face or my body? She said, “Your sense of humor.”
  76. Pinocchio was my favorite lover. Every time he lied to me it made me feel so much better.
  77. What do marriage and a tornado have in common? In the beginning there’s a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end someone loses a house.
  78. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.
  79. Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
  80. Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring.” Husband: “I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill.”
  81. I recently ended a long-term relationship. It’s okay, though. It wasn’t mine.
  82. If I have to choose between men and shoes, I will choose shoes. They tend to last longer.
  83. What is the ideal marriage? One that is between a spouse that is deaf and a spouse that is blind.
  84. What does marriage do? Puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes.
  85. One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. “Tie me up,” she purred, “And you can do anything you want.” So he tied her up and went golfing.
  86. Why do nurses make bad lovers? Because they always wait for the swelling to go down.
  87. Marrying someone for their good looks is like buying a house for the paint color.
  88. Bigamy is having one wife too many, but monogamy is the same.
  89. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized!
  90. What do you say to your husband during sex? Nothing. I don’t call my husband when I’m having sex.
  91. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to get out of debt with you.
  92. If it’s true that girls will probably marry men who resemble their fathers, it would explain why so many mothers cry at weddings.
  93. A wife asked her husband, “Honey, will you still love me when I am old and overweight?” The man replied, “Yes, I do.”
  94. I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high…She seemed surprised!
  95. How do you keep your husband from reading your emails? Label the folder, “Instruction Manuals.”
  96. What’s the difference between a husband and a boyfriend? About 45 minutes.
  97. Man: So what do you do for a living? Woman: I’m a female impersonator.
  98. If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
  99. You are like my asthma. You just take my breath away.
  100. The most successful wives don’t just randomly select their husbands. They pick them. Clean to the bone.
  101. What is love? The delusion that one woman differs from another.
  102. A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in my car’s glove compartment.”
  103. Vera has had 15 years of happy marriage. And she only used up 4 husbands!
  104. I never knew the meaning of true happiness until I got married but then it was too late.
  105. Forget about the butterflies. When I am with you, I feel the whole zoo.
  106. What is the difference between your wife and your lover? 30 minutes.
  107. How do you turn a fox into a pig? You marry her.
  108. What’s a man’s definition of a romantic evening? Sex.
  109. Why did the two book lovers break up? They weren’t quite on the same page.
  110. I love you with all my butt. I would say my heart, but it is just not as big.

A good laugh with the person you love is the key to a good relationship. By adding humor in your relationship, you can make things easier and meet life’s biggest challenges smiling.

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