Saying you are sorry involves costs and benefits. You are showing warmth when you apologize says Shereen Chaudhrey of Chicago Booth and George Lowenstein of Carnegie Mellon. However, you also are showing weakness or admitting incompetence.
The person who is blaming (or bragging) appears to be more competent, but is at risk of appearing less warm. Their theory may help explain why women tend to apologize more than men. Women want to appear warmer based on societal expectations.
“Apologizing may include a cost to one’s competence,” Chaudhrey further explains, “but apologizing makes you look warmer. So apologizing may have more benefit for women than men — but not apologizing may have more cost. The opposite is true for men.” (1)
Brené Brown, author of Dare to Lead, puts it like this: “While some leaders consider apologizing to be a sign of weakness, we teach it as a skill and frame the willingness to apologize and make amends as brave leadership.” (2)
How to make an apology more sincere
Frame your apology as a pledge not to make the same mistakes again. A genuine apology is one that tells him or her, “I behaved badly and I will not treat you that way again.” It will appear as a hollow apology and will hold no value otherwise. (2)
You no longer will be considered “safe” if you keep making the same mistakes. You cannot be trusted since you cannot be held accountable. (2)
Timing matters. Apologizing sometimes can fail miserably. The apology should help the other person feel secure — that the mistake will certainly not be repeated. (3) The offender could be too slow in offering an apology. The transgressor is likely to be forgiven more when the apology is offered relatively quickly, especially with considerable effort, reports one study. (4)
Don’t offer a “non-apology.” That’s when you apologize for offending the person rather than for your behavior. Do not make it a habit. Apologize only when necessary. (5)
“Your apologies will carry less weight later on, especially for situations that really warrant a sincere apology,” says John Hall on CNBC. (6)
Compensation as a way to say you’re sorry
Offer a form of compensation. Ask what you can do to make up for your mistake.
“Apology gifts are as old as sin,” writes Arianne Cohen at BBC.com. The gift is essentially not to enrich the recipient but to serve as a punishment to the offender.
The general rule of apologizing is to “acknowledge accountability and promise future excellence,” says Amy Ebesu Hubbard, University of Hawai’i at Mānoa.
Acknowledging accountability means you accept your mistake has caused harm and suffering. You should offer an immediate remedy and express sincerity soon after that point.(3) A Journal of Marketing study adds a new guideline: Start with “thank you” rather than saying “sorry.” (3) An example: “Thank you for your patience” is an alternative for, “Sorry, I made you wait.”
The gesture must be felt as genuine and not as an effort to “buy her off” with a gift. (5)
Best ways to say “I’m sorry”
The person you are trying to apologize to will likely forgive you if you say it in person. People want to hear your words to gauge your sincerity. (5) You may need to exert more effort to make amends in cases where she can’t forgive you at once.
Send her messages through texts or letters. Apologizing through a message has the advantage of giving you enough time to come up with the right words. Avert the temptation of justifying your behavior. Doing so may indicate you are not accepting responsibility and passing it to something else. Never say, “I’m sorry. I only did it because you were annoying me.”.
Cute I’m Sorry Quotes For Her From The Heart
Really mean it when you say you’re sorry. She will notice any lack of sincerity. Give it some thought and consider one of the following I’m sorry quotes:
- Sweetheart, I’m turning over a new leaf. I am so sorry for the failure of a boyfriend I’ve been in the past. Please forgive me!
- If I begin to tell you how terrible I feel for what I did to you, my apology will run into days, weeks and months. To cut a long story short, I am really sorry.
- I’m truly sorry for everything that I did wrong, for not giving you enough attention, for not texting back, for making you love me, when I didn’t even know if I loved you… I’m sorry for all of the pain I gave you… I’m sorry that I realized that I love you, when I lost you…
- As long as you may take, please know I’ll wait for you to forgive me! Please accept my apology and allow me to show you that I am not a man I was before!
- I am so sorry, my love. Your suffering brings me such anguish. I will do anything to make it up to you. Please shed a light of forgiveness on me.
- Two wrongs cannot make a right, I’m wrong already, can you just be right and let’s settle this my love. Kindly forgive and forget.
- I took you for granted and now I am paying the price for it. I love you. I am sorry.
- I wonder why I always have to be such a jerk. I’ll work on my manners. I am sorry.
- Take your time. Don’t worry. I’ll wait forever, if that is what it’ll take for you to forgive me. I love you.
- Beloved, take my bloody heart, it is yours, I have offended you, and this has brought me great pain. Please, find the strength to forgive me.
Heartfelt Apology Quotes For Her
Nothing guarantees forgiveness. Your attitude and sincerity will help. Consider using one of these quotes:
- Even though I’ve promised to make you happy, I’ve managed to do the exact opposite and broke your heart. You truly are the woman of my dreams, and I cannot afford to lose you like that. Please come back to me. I am sorry.
- Sorry for all my WHITE lies. I promise that from now on our relationship will be free of lies, irrespective of their color. I’m sorry, I love you!
- Sorry, for everything I said that made you cry, for all your nerves, for all your anger, for all the stress I gave you, you used to call me, I didn’t pick up, but one day, I felt something… I realized I lost you, no calls, no nerves, no stress or anger…
- It was never my intention to hurt you. Life played a joke on me and clouded my judgment. Let me make up for all those heartbroken nights. Please forgive me for hurting you!
- I know I try your patience and you’ve probably grown tired of it. I just hope you will forgive me and give me another chance to be a better partner to you. I’m so very sorry.
- If I could put my heart into writing, I’ll write how deeply sorry I am to have wrong a precious soul like yours. Please let go of your anger and forgive me.
- Not a minute goes by without me thinking about how I hurt you. I am sorry.
- I deserve the cold shoulder I’m getting from you. I’ve acted so badly. But can you stop now and forgive me? Please!
- You can’t stay mad at this face…can you? Forgive me, sweetie!
- We’ve matched like two puzzle pieces, let’s not spoil our idyll with misunderstanding and resentment. I’m sorry if I offended you.
Sorry Quotes Images