How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work?

I think you’ll agree with me when I say:

It’s REALLY hard to make a long-distance relationship work. Especially, when family and friends discourage it, things become a way more complicated.

But just because the situation gets difficult, doesn’t mean you should give up on your love.

Moreover, I’d say LDR period can be a joyful, happy, and fun page in your long-lasting love story book if you follow some easy long-distance relationship tips that work.

• “If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart” – Anonymous

Let me guide you step-by-step through all long distance relationship issues…

… and you’ll have a healthy SUCCESSFUL LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP working out eventually!

Now:

You WILL NOT FIND any general, long-winded phrases in this article.

You WILL FIND lots of practical advice and effective techniques.

So:

You have this UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY to:

• Find out if you’re meant & ready for LDR.
• Discover the key strategies that strengthen long-distance relationships, keeping them exciting and alive.
• Hear a life-based story of LDR, which at the beginning didn’t seem to work out, but in the end, it did.
• Learn to deal with the LDR challenges, that often arise.
• Understand how to communicate more effectively in international long distance relationships.
• Recognize the telltale signs that LDR isn’t working.
• Answer the question: Should I Stop Before It Begins?
• Know how to dissolve arguments and disagreements in LDR.
• Rekindle the romance & passion in your long-distance relationship.
• Connect with your long-distance partner in a meaningful way.
• Become the best person you can while you are not together.
• Pass time apart in creative ways that make your bond stronger.
• Gain confidence in your LDR.
• Figure out what you need to work on to improve your relationship.

You’re probably wondering:

WHO AM I to tell you about the long-distance relationship? Do I have any experience in loving from a distance?

And here’s the thing:

I’d say I’M an LDR VETERAN of 5+ years. And it’s the experience of LDR working out eventually. Already married, we’re together for almost 8 years now. So, I do know how hard time and distance can be…

… But, luckily:

I also know that there are things for LDR couples to do to ease the grief and make the waiting more bearable.

Throughout this article, you’ll find 25 Best (No Bullsh*t!) Tips On Making a Long Distance Relationship Work. They are connected with starting an LDR, keeping it, dealing with popular LDR problems, and ways to make this experience happy.

Starting a Long Distance Relationship

If you are on the verge of starting a long distance relationship you are probably confused or even pessimistic about your future.

– And I’ve been there too.

But, guess what:

A long distance relationship DOESN’T NEED to be difficult, unhappy, and full of crying.

It CAN be positive, fulfilling, and fun too.

Believe it or not:

In my case, THE DISTANCE EVEN MADE OUR RELATIONSHIP BETTER: more trusting, intimate, aware, meaningful. It’s something like going up to another, more sophisticated level of the bond.

So, my TIP #1: “Don’t get programmed to suffer from pain and loneliness”

I don’t know for sure, how it works, BUT IT WORKS:

Expect pain – get pain, expect happiness – get happiness, afraid of a breakup – get a breakup.

Your thoughts and expectations are the first weapon you use to make your long-distance relationship work (or not work) even before the LDR actually start.

So, make sure, you tune in to the positive outcome.

Next:

Are questions like these circling around in your head?

• Should I Stop Before LDR Begins?
• Am I Ready for Long-Distance Relationship?
• What If I Get Tired of LDR?
• Do I Walk Away, Or Can We Survive 3 Years Apart?

If your answer is YES, go to…

… TIP #2: “Be Honest & Decide: If You Plan on MAKING It Work”

It can be a really tough decision…

… but such situations may occur when there is too much on the opposite side of scales, and a long distance relationship with vague perspectives is something you’re not ready to choose and give up on all the rest.

And it’s ok.

Just be honest with yourself and make this decision before you promise something to your partner.

Also, RESPECT THEIR DECISION:

Without pressure, let your partner sort out their own head and realize if they are ready to deal with long distance relationship.

They know themselves better and know whether they’ll be able to cope or not.

Be careful!

If you push them and things go wrong, they might even blame you for pushing them into an LDR and wasting their time.

• YOU CAN TELL THEM that you’re ready for an LDR and are willing to support their any decision.
• GIVE them SOME SPACE & TIME to think about everything.
• But DON’T PUSH and RESPECT their point.

Thus:

TIP #3: “Find out if you & your partner are ready for LDR”

The easiest way to do it?

WATCH THIS VIDEO to check on 5 Signs a Long Distance Relationship Is NOT for You:

And, to make 100% sure…

… watch this short video and find out 5 Signs an LDR Is RIGHT FOR YOU:

WOW!

If you’ve managed to get to this page, you must be super determined about making your long distance relationship work.

First 3 tips are done!

Now, let’s SET UP A GOAL.

TIP #4: “Set up your common END TIME goal”

LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP CAN’T LAST FOREVER.

Eventually, every couple needs to settle down and live together.

The research shows that LDR is LESS STRESSFUL in case they are temporary, and the reunion is planned:

Thus:

Understanding WHEN and HOW your struggle with time and distance END is ESSENTIAL. All the yearning can start to feel pointless after a while.

But!

When you know exactly what the prize is, it’s much easier to stay motivated and up to your goal.

Discuss these questions with your partner:

• How long are we going to be apart?
• What do we want to achieve at the end of our long distance relationship?
• What about the future?
• Who would be moving to who?
• Giving up jobs?
• Why are we doing LDR?

After this discussion, you’ll know for sure IF YOU ARE AT THE SAME BALLPARK about your future.

Even if you can’t plan everything in detail and don’t know what your end goal might be, at least do up a timeline to make intuitive sense in everything you’re gonna go through.

Cool!

Now you know where you go and why.

IT’S TIME TO ESTABLISH SOME GROUND RULES.

TIP #5: “Establish some GROUND RULES to manage your expectations”

This LDR advice includes several points:

1. A pattern of comms:

Choose the pattern that works for you both and make MUTUALLY SATISFYING communication arrangements.

Answering these questions will help you:

• Whose schedule is more flexible?
• When do you have unrushed, private time for conversations?
• When are you at your best?
• Do you need a set time for chatting, or it can vary?
• How do you feel about texts/ video calls/ chatting on the phone?
• Do you have any ‘NOs’ in distance communication?

2. Knowing the schedules:

It’s very helpful to know the schedule of your long distance partner. Make sure that you know their:

• Free time
• Buzy time
• Small & big events (exams, business meetings, interviews)
• Local time
• School/ college/ work schedule
• Sleep preferences

… And MAKE SURE YOUR PARTNER KNOWS ALL OF THAT about you.

3. Clear expectations:

• Commitment level
• Open-mindedness
• Exclusiveness
• Going on dates

It’s better to be honest about all these things, because…

• “Nothing can break your long distance relationship faster than breaking your partner’s unsaid rule”

Actually, there is no limit to the types of communication arrangements you could set – be creative so that they work RIGHT FOR YOU.

Also, if your COMMUNICATION PATTERN appears to be NOT CONVENIENT and supportive for you after a while, don’t be afraid to tell about that too.

Long Distance Relationship Statistics

OK

If you’re still skeptical about my words & story, let’s check on some LDR facts.

And the first question THE STATISTICS is going to answer is:

Are long distance relationships possible?

Quick stats

• 75% percent of couples have experienced being in a long-distance relationship.
• 7 million American couples define themselves as having a long distance relationship.
• 1.9 million Canadians (7 % of the population) are LAT couples (live apart together).
• 32.5 % of all long distance relationships are college relationships.
• 24 % of Americans have used email and the Internet to maintain a long-distance relationship.

According to the study published in the Journal of Communication in 2013:

• About 3 million Americans live apart from their spouses for reasons other than divorce or discord at some point of their marriage;
• About 25–50% of college students were dating a long-distance partner (at the time of the study);
• Up to 75% of them have engaged in an LDR in college.

Another study of Online Environment & Relationships stated:

• 24% of internet users have used the Internet and email to maintain their long-distance relationship;
• 11% of Americans who have been together for 10 years or less met their partner online.

And this research by Statistics Canada (2011) helped to find out that:

• 7% of the Canadian population (which is 1.9 million) live apart together (are in a LAT relationship);
• The long-distance relationship works in their favor.

Surprisingly:

Most LDR couples from these studies stressed the IMPORTANCE OF OPTIMISTIC AND POSITIVE ATTITUDE to long distance relationships.

This is crazy, but:

TIP #6: “Make a list of long distance relationships UPSIDES”

Yes, you read it right – the UPSIDES.

They do exist. And you can find surprisingly lots of them.

The importance and effectiveness of positive thinking have been proven by numerous researches and backed up by modern psychologists and coaches.

Indeed:

The scheme is simple:

Reframe the situation as a positive → Focus on positive → Believe in it → Enjoy the positive outcome.

Still can’t figure out what cons can be of being separated by distance and time?

This LIST WILL HELP YOU:

So,

DON’T OMIT even such little things as:

• I don’t have to care about shaving so much.
• No awkward situations like introducing them to your family.
• No pregnancy threats.
• No potential STDs.
• Perfect privacy.
• ADD YOUR CRAZY UPSIDE HERE 🙂

Not enough?

Watch this video to find out another 10 Upsides Of Long Distance Relationships:

Just remember: STAY POSITIVE!

And make the best of your LDR:

TIP #7: “Enjoy & benefit from your ALONE time”

There is an opinion:

Long distance relationships are only for people who have a very busy life.

I should absolutely disagree with it.

I mean yes,

You are ALONE, BUT NOT LONELY. Now you have lots of free time. Why wasting it?

Turn it into “me” time and ENJOY IT!

Your world doesn’t have to revolve around your partner only. YOU still HAVE YOU – learn how to love being alone.

Love yourself. Develop yourself. Every day.

There are much more chances your partner loves you as a complete individual with own goals and interests than as a suffering nothing that can’t see a point of living a full life today.

Also,

you’ve got your FAMILY and your FRIENDS. Take this time to spend with them too.

Enjoy it!

 – What is the percentage of long distance relationships working out?

 – Can long-distance relationships end up in marriage?

As I’ve already said at the beginning of this article…

… my 5-years long LDR ended up in marriage with no regrets.

If you think my case is an exception rather than a rule, LET’S CHECK THE STATISTICS:
Quick stats

• 60% of LDR actually work out eventually
• 10 % of all marriages in the US started out as a long distance relationship
• 2.9% married couples in America live in a long distance relationship
• 75 % of all engaged couples have been (at some point) in a long distance relationship

Long-distance relationships are more successful than you think and the survey figures are proving it.

Here’s How People in Long-Distance Relationships Manage to Make Things Work:

TIP #8: “Keep your EARS CLOSED”

Wanna make your LDR to work out eventually?

STOP LETTING OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS GUIDE YOUR LIFE!

And now:

Here is the list of QUESTIONS and PHRASES that LDR couples are SICK OF ANSWERING. If you hear any of them, make sure you keep your ears closed!

(Optionally: You can also roll your eyes haha)

 – Do long distance relationships last?

I’d say there is NO significant DIFFERENCE between LDR and geographically CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS in terms of their longevity.

Numerous studies have proved that the likelihood of breaking up over time is almost equal in both:

According to this study on Predictors of Positive Relationship Outcomes in Long-Distance Dating Relationships in 2014:

• LDR quality doesn’t differ a lot from geographically close relationships.
• Couples who live together are unlikely to be happier than LDR couples.

And this research by International Communication Association says that:

• Long-distance relationships can form even stronger bonds than face-to-face ones.

The same point is supported by another research:

• Long-distance couples are often more satisfied with their communication than geographically close couples are.

Thus:

Multiple new studies agree that THERE ISN’T closer bond and better communication tendencies in the couples living in the same city comparing to LDR couples:

So,

Don’t make a drama out of it!

Better follow my next piece of advice:

TIP #9: “Make your real dates maximally bright to remember”

No matter, if you see each other once a week, once a month, or once a year…

… properly plan your each and every date.

DON’T WASTE TIME WHEN YOU’RE PHYSICALLY TOGETHER.

Discuss what you’d like to do, where to go beforehand. Make sure that you both like the plan. Try to make these times together maximally fulfilled with memorable events and fantastic moments.

CREATE HAPPY MEMORIES to remember and smile till your next real date.

 – Can distance kill a relationship?

Quick stats:

Surprisingly,

Reuniting with your partner after long-distance relationship ISN’T A GUARANTEE of a happy life together.

According to this 2006 study:

• 1/3 of LDR come to an end within 3 months after moving in together.
• Some of the respondents broke up because of the changes in their goals and views.

Of course,

It’s not all rosy in LDR.

LDR couples DO BREAK UP, especially when they don’t have any experience of a geographically close relationship with the partner before the LDR part.

TIP #10: “Be careful if you haven’t met before LDR”

How long have you actually known your partner?

Have you been together before the LDR started?

There are lots of fishy stories about relationships starting online. Remember to be careful, because cyber-relationships can disappear into the ether in one click.

HOWEVER,

It can also be a big shock and challenge to move in with the partner you’ve known before the LDR started, so there are lots of risks here.

Long Distance Relationship Problems

No doubt,

Problems sometimes occur in any relationships – both long-distance and geographically close.

And the DISTANCE itself does MAKE the love equation MORE COMPLICATED and the situation MORE DIFFICULT.

But:

It doesn’t mean that FINDING A SOLUTION is IMPOSSIBLE, right?

Remember:

YOU CAN’T AVOID LDR PROBLEMS, BUT YOU CAN SOLVE THEM.

That’s why the most essential LDR problems-related advice is:

TIP #11: “Try to work things out AT ONCE”

No issue or problem should be ignored or postponed.

When something happens, DISTANCE makes this problem grow twice faster than in ordinary relationships.

Wanna make things work?

BREAK THE ICE. And never think that there’s no your fault or not your turn to make a move.

It takes TWO to make a problem. And it takes TWO to solve it.

So:

• As long as YOU BOTH are involved in working things out, IT DOESN’T MATTER whose move is first.
• Admit YOUR mistakes and focus on YOUR fault, not on your partner’s.

If YOU TWO follow this scheme, no ARGUMENT will last long and LEAD ONLY TO BETTER UNDERSTANDING each other.

Next:

Deal with your discomfort in long distance relationship just like with the problems. DON’T IGNORE THEM. Speak out.

TIP #12: “Voice your discomforts, concerns, and desires frankly”

Surprisingly:

Your partner can have no clue that something’s bothering you UNLESS YOU SAY ABOUT YOUR CONCERNS. They can not understand your hints or grumpy texts, especially in LDR.

Talk through doubts, uncertainty, and fear together.

Why do you think you’ve got a tongue?

TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY!

• Can’t stand he doesn’t answer your sweet texts? – Tell him.
• Hate when she’s speaking about her bad day at college for an hour? – Just tell her.

What seems rather OBVIOUS FOR YOU, can be a surprising DISCOVERY FOR YOUR PARTNER.

It’s better to voice your discomforts at once – calm and reasonably, than to wait until you lose your temper and all your built up negative emotions rise into a big argument.

Of course,

Just like you, your partner also has that need to be heard. To let the previous tip work for each of you…

TIP #13: “Learn to listen and hear”

Incredibly essential for long distance relationship, this one will also come in handy after your reunion too.

As much as you want your partner to listen and HEAR you, it’s important for them.

Thus:

• Be a good listener, when they need to vent.
• Try to do everything they’re asking you about.
• Show your interest in their story, ask questions.
• Don’t forget about your promises.
• Make sure you’re not asking about something they’ve already told about.
• Be supportive and sincerely involved in conversation.
• Provide solutions.
• Remember what happened the day before.

These are SIMPLE active efforts to be involved in each other’s life.

Indeed,

Effective communication is the main key to developing and growing your long distance relationships.

Tip #14: “Use all possible means of communication”

While you have to put up with the lack of physical contact: touches, hugs, kisses, sex /WHAT AM I SPEAKING ABOUT – YOU CAN’T EVEN SEE EACH OTHER IN REAL LIFE/…

… you should use all possible ways to stay in touch virtually:

• Phone calls
• Video calls
• Messaging apps
• Instagram & Facebook

Focus on the quality of your communication!

Talk about your day-to-day happenings and little things, not only about your relationships, future plans, dreams, and hopes.

Interestingly:

This research proves that LDR couples are often more satisfied with their communication than geographically close couples!

However!

Make sure you’re both OK with the way you keep in touch.

For example, if one of you is very shy and doesn’t feel comfortable about video calls, another one shouldn’t insist too much.

Also, be careful not to spend most of your conversations telling about boring & bad stuff happening to you if you wanna avoid pointless arguments.

TIP #15: “Focus on positive news & share them with your LDR partner”

Want to keep your LDR alive?

Keep injecting POSITIVE ENERGY into it.

Sure, you can’t ignore the bad stuff happening to you, tell about it to your LDR partner too, but don’t make it the main and only topic of every chat.

Switch to positive things in your life and share them with your beloved.

No wonder:

Lots of long distance relationship problems deal with the LACK OF SEX, so…

TIP #16: “Don’t forget about the hot part of LDR”

The sexual tension is a very important part of any relationship – it’s like a GLUE THAT KEEPS A COUPLE TOGETHER.

And it needs more work to be kept in long-distance relationships.

But there’s nothing impossible!

If you’re still afraid of problems you can face in a long distance relationship, watch this:

Long Distance Relationship Advice for a Girl

Girls!

Due to the importance of this point, I’m gonna repeat it again:

TIP #17</spаn>: “Fill up your life with exciting things”

No, LDR don’t mean you have to put your life on hold.

There is no point sacrifice more than necessary and postpone being involved in your life until the moment of your reunion.

Remember:

Being an independent woman with an interesting life will only make you more attractive. And all those exciting things happening in your life will become an inspirational part of your chats for your guy.

• Take up a hobby
• Develop yourself
• Go in for some sport
• Meet interesting people
• Don’t isolate yourself
• Do your best at work
• Start your own project
• LIVE EACH DAY FULLY!

No matter if your partner lives near or not.
Cool bonus: When you’re super BUSY and super EXCITED, the TIME apart GOES FASTER.

TIP #18: “Create TRUST & be HONEST”

Some of you may disagree, but my point is:

BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH EACH OTHER.

Tell him about everything:

• Your fears
• Jealousy
• Insecurity
• Confess to something you’ve done wrong

Tell him even the things you’re sure will make him mad and sad, or hurt him.

Believe me! Any way you look at it, it’s much better if he hears that bad stuff from you than from somebody else. And ALL THE SECRETS COME OUT one day…

… and also swallow you up inside out.

Also, the moment you start lying, your partner will start to feel that something is wrong.

Relationships are meant to share everything – what’s the point of it if you can’t be completely open and honest with each other?

TIP #19: “Give freedom. Don’t overcontrol.”

Who likes to be overcontrolled?

So, why mess up your own mood, spoil his fun with your (often unfounded) suspicion?

YOU’D BETTER WORK ON RELATIONSHIPS FROM THE INSIDE.

TIP #20: “Avoid couple-related events…or change your attitude”

A typical LDR girls’ problem: to look at all those happy couples and feel yourself so lonely and unhappy.

So:

If you can’t cope with this barrier in your head and change your attitude to the whole situation, you should better avoid the places and events, which will emphasize your temporary “loneliness.”

TIP #21: “Give each other meaningful gifts”

When thousands of kilometers come between you two, small mementos become much more valuable, even when they’re not very expensive or fancy.

A meaningful, thoughtful, and personalized gift for your long-distance beloved is a perfect way to store the feelings and memories in a physical thing.

• “We are in constant electronic contact, but that only stimulates our visual and auditory senses…Although you may not be able to physically be together, sending your partner a card in the mail sprayed with your perfume or cologne will remind your significant other of your scent and will be just as intoxicating.” – Behavioral Scientist Clarissa Silva

How to Be a Good Long Distance Boyfriend

Wow, guy!

If you’ve reached this finish line, it seems nothing’s gonna kick you off your LDR.

Well…

… Then, all you can do is to be a good long distance boyfriend, making the relationship more intimate, close, and happy.

<class=”green”>TIP #22: “Give her space to miss you”

Often,

Excessive communication becomes a fatal mistake for long-distance couples.

Constant calls every hour are completely unhealthy & toxic, they bring no good – they’re limiting you both so that you can’t follow the TIP g777 and live your own life.

Stop controlling her every step. Make her feel special in another way:

TIP #23: “Rekindle romance & passion”

Try to do sweet little things that let her know how much you care.

GIRLS LOVE IT A LOT!

Bear it in mind:

Thoughtful gestures, sweet words, and meaningful surprises are not for special occasions only. To keep romance & passion in your LDR you have to treat your lady with no reason:

• Send her romantic poems
• And cute texts to cheer her up in the morning
• Or random messages telling how much you miss and love her
• Organize flowers delivery
• Send a real card with a personalized sign
• Send a package of her favorite chocolates with a little note from you

Basically:

There are much more options than you could imagine – all you need is to be a little bit creative!

TIP #24: “Be creative”

AND DON’T BE AFRAID OF LOOKING FOOLISH in front of her.

Opt for any of these variants to spice up your relationships and she’ll be over the moon:

• Send her a handwritten letter
• Play an online game together
• Watch some movie or video at the same time & discuss it via video calls
• Set up a Skype date night
• Go online-shopping together
• Read the same book
• Share a hobby
• Create your own Instagram or Twitter hashtag for you two
• Plan cooking the same meal simultaneously
• Take some online course to learn together
• Fall asleep together while chatting

Also, different LDR activities can become your creative tools.

TIP #25: “Try various activities for LDR couples”

• Make a long distance care package
  

• Create & send a coupon book
  

• Learn something new about each other with 100 Questions to Ask Your Partner
• Sing karaoke together
• Watch her walking by with online public webcams

 

Now:

ARE THERE ANY DOUBTS ABOUT LDR WORKING OUT EVENTUALLY LEFT?

Ready to try our 25 best tips for LDR couples?

Or, maybe, you’ve got some personal experience of dealing with LDR?

If so, FEEL FREE TO SHARE IT in comments below.

Also, please, write WHICH OF THE TIPS IN THIS ARTICLE ARE THE MOST USEFUL for you? We really appreciate your every comment.

p.s. Let’s make this LDR work!!!