Dirty Jokes – Inappropriate Sex Jokes

Have you ever heard the jokes that are as funny as they are offensive? Well, as they say, prepare Uranus! The puns we collected for you will blow your mind! Goodness knows they are very inappropriate and always extremely dirty, but they still have one but huge advantage – they can easily make you laugh your ass off. There are no taboo topics for open-minded people, so don’t blame yourself for immorality and have some fun! Some people consider such jokes to be horrible and sick, and they are totally right. But we also know that if the pun is really funny, it doesn’t matter.

Best Dirty Gay Sex Puns

First of all, we would like to emphasize that these gay puns have no relation to discrimination or hatred. Come on, cutting ass jokes are awesome, no matter if they are about heterosexual couples or about two hot guys. However, we don’t promise that they are polite. There is a chance that you’ll need to take a shower after reading them!

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Q: How can you make a gay man scream twice?
A: Fudge him real hard. Then wipe your dick off on his curtains.

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Q: How much cum does a gay guy have? A: A butt load

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Q: Two gay guys were having sex, when they both die at the same time. Who goes to heaven first?
A: The one who had his shit packed.

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Q: Why are gays happy that they have nutsacks A: Because they use them as mudflaps.

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Corny Dirty Jokes

If you and your friends don’t have taboo issues to joke about, look through these really gross gags! Be careful, if you tell them to a moralfag, he or she will definitely think that you are a sick bastard. Share them with as dirty-minded people as you are!

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Q: What’s the difference between a dead prostitute and your job? A: Your job still sucks.

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A little boy asked his dad what’s in between mums legs and he says “It’s paradise my boy.”
“Ok what’s in between your legs” and he says “It’s the key to paradise.”
And the boy goes “Well you better get that lock changed because that prick next door has a spare key.”

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Q: What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

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Crude Dirty Jokes

If you think that the previous puns were really bad, well, we have some news for you. There is no limit to perfection! Enjoy the very inappropriate dialogues no one should repeat in polite company. Moreover, if your friend is a feminist and you want to see her ass burning like hell, just tell her some of these jokes!

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Q: Why did God give men penises? A: So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.

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Q: What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

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Q: What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.

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Q: How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? A: Call and tell her about it.

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Dirtiest Jokes Ever

Undoubtedly, these gags are sick and horrible. However, no one can deny that they are also funny as hell. Be careful – if there are a lot of things you consider to be disgusting, there is a chance that after reading this you’ll have to put the broken pieces of your psyche back together for a long, long time.

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Q: What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? A: Good morning ladies.

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Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
A: When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking.

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Q: How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? A: By the taste

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– I made $400.05 sucking dick last night
– Who gave you the nickel?
-They all did

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Dirty Black Jokes

If you feel deep outrage at any racist issue, you’d better ignore this category. And again, even though they may seem to be offensive as fuck, try to focus away and have some fun. Come on, no one can deny that there are also a lot of dirty jokes about the people white as snow as well as about Asians. If you feel aggrieved, you can read some to restore the balance.

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Q: How does a black woman know when she’s pregnant? A: When she pulls out her tampon all the cotton is picked off.

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Q: What is the similarities between a black girl, and a tornado? A: They both suck, blow, and leave you homeless!

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Me: There are 3 black roosters on one side of the street how many legs do they have? Friend: 6
Me: how many wigs? Friend: 6 Me: how many eyes? Friend: 6
Me: There are 3 white cats on the other side of the street how many eyes do they have? Friend: 6
Me: How many ears do they have? Friend: 6 Me: How many whiskers do they have? Friend: I dont know.
Me: Seems like you know more about the black cock then the white pussy

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Dirty Cheesy Jokes

Wanna something really cheesy? Check these messed up gags! Don’t even think about telling them to people who think that there are some issues you just can’t discuss. Finally, periods, boobs and masturbation are the topics for close friends only.

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Q: What’s the best part about gardening? A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

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Q: How is sex like a game of bridge? A: If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

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Q: Know what a 6.9 is? A: Another good thing screwed up by a period.

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Q: What do boobs and toys have in common? A: They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.

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Dirty Cunt Jokes

You can tell anyone that you are fond of intellectual wit. You can even refrain from laughing when someone falls down on the street, but you’ll laugh hard at these inappropriate and even primitive jokes. It doesn’t mean you’re a stupid ass, it means that there are some things we just can’t resist.

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Q: What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A: One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt

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A man stands in front of the mirror and says to his wife: “Everytime I look at myself, I get a hard-on!” Wife replies: “That’s because you look like a cunt!”

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Mommy, Mommy! What is incest? Shut up and keep licking.

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Q: What do you call a Spanish chick with no legs? A: cuntswaylow

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Dirty Dick Jokes

Well, comparing to other gags, these jokes seem almost clean and harmless for everyone except for Justin Bieber. But who cares how this Canadian sweet boy feels? We came here to laugh hard, and we’ll ignore all moral issues!

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Q: What do you get when you cross and owl and a rooster? A: A cock that stays up all night long.

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Q: What did the O say to the Q? A: “Dude, your dick’s hanging out.”

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I heard Justin Bieber has an 8 inch cock But it’s in his ass and belongs to Usher.

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Dirty Flirty Jokes

If you ask yourself what can be more offensive than everything you had read before, just check these gags out. If honestly, we are not even sure if these one-liners can help you to lay somebody down. Moreover, you are likely to be punched, kicked or bitten when telling them. However, this very fact doesn’t make them less funny, so you can at least laugh at these dirty pick-up lines.

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My dick just died, can I bury it in your vagina?

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Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass!

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Hey, have you met my friend Dick? He is real tall.

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Has anyone ever told you your ass looks like a phone cause I want to hit the pound button all day long.

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Dirty Jokes

These inappropriate gags have already become the classics for the adult dirty jokes fans. Of course, they are hardly polite. If you don’t faint when hearing the word ‘gangbang’, you’ll be ok with them.

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Q: How do you eat a squirrel? A: You spread its little legs.

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Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? A: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.

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Q: Ever had sex while camping? A: It’s fucking intents.

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Q: What do 9 out of 10 people consider to be a good time? A: Gang rape.

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Dirty Jokes for Her

Well, girls, it’s your time! Do you think that there are too many jokes offending women? That’s your revenge! Calling man the useless piece of skin on a cock should probably be the slogan of modern feminists. And again, we want nothing to be taken seriously, just enjoy the dirty humor.

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Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? A: The man.

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Q: What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? A: Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

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Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A: They are both meat substitutes!

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Dirty Priest Jokes

Catholic priests know the cost of reputation. A few incidents and the Internet users are ready to beat the crap out of you. Well, whose fault is that? We ask forgiveness of all righteous churchmen, but we can’t help laughing at these disgusting but funny one-liners!

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Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

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Q: What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? A: Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12

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Q: What do you get when you dress like an altar boy and meet the priest? A: a holy fuck

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Dirty Pussy Jokes

If you think that pussy and cock puns are for schoolchildren who think that sex is something funny (sometimes it actually is), read these crazy little dialogues and try not to laugh. Humor is not always something super sophisticated and ironic. These offensive comparisons and wordplays can make laugh even the Doctor of Science.

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Q: What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? A: They can both smell it but can’t eat it.

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Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit? A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.

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Q: Why is a woman’s pussy like a public restroom? A: They both feel good, but you wonder who has been there before you!

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Q: What’s the difference between eating pussy and driving in a snowstorm?
A: When you eat pussy, you can always see the arsehole in front of you!

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Dirty Slut Humor

Pray for women of easy virtue, they not only give people a lot of pleasure, they also provide us with the material for numerous bad jokes! Do you think these puns will be about dirty sex details? Well, we tried to choose the question-answer dialogues which are not so stereotypical

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Q: What do you call 2 guys fighting over a promiscuous woman? A: Tug-of-whore.

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Q: How is a woman like a condom? A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dong.

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Q: Who’s the biggest hoe in history? A: Ms. Pac-man, because for 25 cents she swallows balls until she dies.

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Dirty Ugly Jokes

Our congratulations! You have already seen a lot of sick gags, and you are still standing. But please, make sure that you are ready for the next dose of the ugliest jokes ever. They are the bright examples of how imagination can help us to create something really, really horrible things.

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Q: How is pubic hair like parsley? A: You push it to the side before you start eating.

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Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his butt.

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Q: What’s the difference between being hungry and being horny? A: Where you put the cucumber

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Q: What do going down on an old woman and a pork pie have in common?
A: You have to bite the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the meaty bit.

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Dumb Dirty Jokes

These stupid gags will make you laugh even if you fond of classic literature, music and can’t imagine your life without sophisticated intellectual conversations. Come on, sometimes we all laugh at something dumb, why not to continue this tradition? If you care about your reputation, just don’t tell anyone about that.

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Q: What do you call a virgin on a water bed? A: A cherry float

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Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a can? A: Because his wife died

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Q: What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A: A liquor cabinet

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Funny but Dirty Jokes

Well, these puns are not as cruel as the previous ones. You can even tell them to your friends without making your own face red as a tomato. Maybe you’ll be lucky, and people even won’t blame you for immorality.

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Q: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

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Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

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Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.

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Funny Inappropriate Jokes

Can’t imagine how the jokes about our dearest Santa can be dirty? Don’t think that Rubik’s Cubes can be associated with a dick? Maybe it’s impossible for most of the people, but fortunately, or unfortunately, who knows, we have those whose imagination has no borders. So relax and get ready to be surprised.

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Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? A: He only comes once a year.

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Q: What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common? A: The more you play with it, the harder it gets

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Q: What’s the difference between your dick and a bonus check? A: Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

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Hilarious Dirty Puns

Pray for wordplays – they allows creating really awesome jokes. The most of these short but funny one-liners are even relatively normal, but still a little bit dirty. The perfect puns for those who can’t withstand extremely funny but at the same time ugly gags.

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Q: How is life like a penis? A: Your girlfriend makes it hard.

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Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection? A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

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Q: What do you call a guy with a small dick? A: Just-in!

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Q: What do you call a guy with a giant dick? A: Phil!

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Nasty Adult Jokes

If you had just turned 18, our congratulations, the colorful world of the dirty Internet is now available for you! So let’s pretend that you have never seen something forbidden before and have some fun! If you are far older than 18, don’t worry, these little dialogues will impress you too.

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Q: Know what a 6.9 is? A: Another good thing screwed up by a period.

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Q: How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? A: As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

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A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. ‘Do you want a bag?’, the cashier asks ‘No’, the guy says, ‘she’s not that ugly girl’

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Pregnant Dirty Jokes

Some people consider that there are no forbidden, taboo subjects for jokes. Due to their efforts. we have various puns about something intimate and personal, starting from dick sucking to pregnancy. Yes, they have nothing sacred, but they have the sense of humor!

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Q: What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? A: You can unscrew a lightbulb.

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Q: How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant? A: He forgot to wrap his Whopper!

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Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

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Short Nasty Jokes

Undoubtedly, brevity is the soul of wit. This wisdom relates to jokes too – when you are telling a long, long story, a listener won’t listen to it really carefully. In contrast, if you tell something short, inappropriate and about sex, you’ll definitely hold the interest.

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Scientists say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 5 inches. This just shows how big the Chinese population is getting.

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Q: What did one tampon say to the other? A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.

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If you force sex on a prostitute, is it rape or shoplifting?

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