Corny Science Jokes

  • I don’t like computer science jokes.Not one bit.
  • Q. What do clouds do when they become rich?A. They make it rain!
  • A science teacher tells his class, “Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773.“ A blonde student responds, “Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it.“
  • Why couldn’t the chemist laugh at the Queen’s fart?Because noble gases are non-reactive.
  • A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much is a beer?“ The bartender says, “For you, no charge.“
  • A scientist is denied entrance to a microbiology lab. When he asks why, he is told that it is for “Staph Only“
  • Gold walks into a bar. The bartender yells “AU! Get out!“
  • What do you call a resistor that can’t afford rent?Ohm-less.
  • My chemistry teacher told me I had to write a 1,000 word essay on acid.Unfortunately, my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
  • Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek. Einstein covers his eyes and starts counting while Newton and Pascal run and hide. Pascal hides behind a curtain. Newton stops and draws a 1-metre by 1-metre square on the ground and stands in the middle. Einstein finishes counting, uncovers his eyes and turns around, “Ha! Found you, Newton!“ Newton calmly replies, “Nope, you found Pascal!“
  • What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Answer: Pumpkin Pi!
  • Caveat: nerds of the world are arguing if this joke should end with “same side“ or “other side“. One point of view is that a Mebius Strip only has one side. But if you started and experiment with fast chicken-a and slow chicken-b on opposite sides (from a local perspective) of the same plane, fast chicken-a would eventually catch up to slow chicken-b. Time to test this hypothesis with an experiment: cut a strip of looped paper then fuse it end-to-end so it is now a loop with no twist. Draw a colored line on the inner surface of the loop. Now cut the loop, insert a twist, then close the loop. Moving 360 degrees around the loop allows you to traverse the surface with the colored line while another 360 degrees allows you to traverse the surface without the colored line. I now forget why the joke was funny
  • Two high school chemistry students walk into a bar tended by an irate Ph.D. chemist who was down sized from a major corporation. The first kid says, “I’ll have some H20.“ The barkeep serves the water, knowing there will be no tip. The second kid says, “I’ll have some H20 too.“ The bartender says, we don’t serve minors in this oxidation state.
  • A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out! We don’t serve your kind here!“ The mushroom says, “Aw c’mon bartender, I’m a fungi (fun guy)“
  • What is a physicist’s favourite food? Fission chips.
  • Being absolute zero is 0K with me
  • Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out! We don’t serve any bacteria in this bar. The two bacteria say, “Hey, but we work here. We’re staph.“
  • I know every single digit of pi.Just not in the right order.
  • And the dorkiest science joke ever…
  • Use chromosomes in advertisements — because, you know, sex cells.
  • What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes.
  • Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.Genius

Corny Science Jokes