Funny Blonde Jokes

First of all, we would like to emphasize that we don’t consider all blondes to be stupid. Just remember all famous golden-haired women who achieved much! Angela Merkel, Angela Merkel… and Angela Merkel? Honestly, guys, we tried to find the list of the smartest blondes, but the most of them are the models, singers, and actresses. We don’t claim anything, but we think there is no smoke without fire. Ok, let’s be serious, even though there are a lot of clever golden-haired women, blonde jokes never die. Some people think that such kind of gags is pure discrimination and even racism, but we would like to remind everyone that the puns about blondes exist just for fun, nothing more. So, please, relax, have a good laugh and don’t take anything seriously!

Blonde Jokes

As the most of the jokes, the stories about blondes are usually based on the most common stereotypes. Somebody would call it racism, but come on, we all saw these beautiful but dummy girls. But if you have gorgeous golden hair and acute mind, please, don’t feel offended – just try to take a good laugh at the girls who are not as lucky as you!

***

A blonde rings up an airline.
She asks, “How long are your flights from America to England?”
The woman on the other end of the phone says, “Just a minute…”
The blonde says, “Thanks!” and hangs up the phone.

***

Blonde walks into a doctors office and says:
“Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts…
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts…
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts…
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!”
The Doctor replies: “Your finger is broken.”

***

Funniest Blonde Joke Ever

There is a myriad of related gags, but we tried to find the most awesome ones. Moreover, we consider these little stories to be the funniest blonde stories ever. When starting reading them, everyone understands that though everything is not so clear at the beginning, the culmination will be unexpected and really hilarious!

***

A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool.
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.
In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?”
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

***

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor askes her what had happened.
She says, “well… when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead of the phone.
“Well that explains one ear, but what about the other.”
“The bastard called again”

***

Great Blonde Hair Jokes

Well, there are two theories. According to the first one, all natural blondes are silly. According to the second one, perhydrol is what makes any smart girl a little bit dummy. These stories support the first theory, which tells us that blonde can dye her hair, but never can hide who they really are.

***

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown.  
She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
“Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?”
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out “352!”
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
“I’ll take this one,” she says proudly. “It’s the cutest!”
“Hey lady,” says the shepherd, “if I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?”

***

A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen: “I want that tv.”
The salesperson shook his head and said, “No, we don’t sell to blondes.”
So the blonde left and came back with her hair dyed brown and said: “I’ll take that tv.”
Again the salesman said: “No, we don’t sell to blondes.”
So she left again and came back with her hair dyed black and said: “I want that tv.”
But the salesman still said: “No, we don’t sell to blondes.”
Finally the blonde got fed up and said, “That’s it! How’d you know I was a blonde?!” she asked.
The salesman answered: “Cause that’s a microwave.”

***

Blonde Joke Stories

You’ll have to spend some time reading these stories, but they’re worth it! Maybe they are too long to share them with your friends on social networks, but they are perfect to support real, face to face communication. So if there is a long pause in your conversation you can use them to entertain anyone except for blondes, of course.

***

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car.
The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde’s driver’s license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, “What does a driver’s license look like?”
Irritated, the blonde cop said, “You dummy, it’s got your picture on it!”
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, “Aha!
This must be my driver’s license” and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said,
“You’re free to go.
And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this.”

***

A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn’t want to pay the high prices.
After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price.”
Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, “Damn, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either.”

***

Funny Blonde Sex Jokes

You’d better not tell these dirty hilarious puns to anyone who is aged less than 18. These gags are the combination of two worse stereotypes about the ladies with the hair yellow as gold, but this makes them even more hilarious!

***

Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.

***

Q: Why dont blondes talk while having sex? A: Their moms told them NEVER to talk to strangers.

***

An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Roma.
While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde.
So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while…
He climaxes loudly.
Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So…. you finish?” After a slight pause.
She replies, “No.”
Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even longer than the first… and this time completing the deed with even louder shouts.
Again he rolls over, lights a cigarette, and asks, “So…. you finish?”
And again, after a short pause, she simply says “No.”
Stunned, but still acting reflexively on his macho pride, he once again puts out the cigarette, and mounts his companion du jour.
This time, with all the strength he could muster up, he barely manages to end the task, but he does, after quite some time and energy is spent.
Barely able to roll over, he reaches for his cigarette … lights it again, and then asks tiredly, “So… you finish?”
“No. I’m Swedish.”

***

Blonde Girl Jokes

Please, believe us that we don’t think that old blondes are stupid. However, there’s no smoke without fire, right? Anyway, we’re here to have a good laugh, and these short stories about the blonde girls will blow you away! Don’t be too serious, just enjoy the awesome gags!

***

How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has “please turn over” written on both sides.

***

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet. The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?” “That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.” After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”

***

Dirty Blonde Jokes

All of the puns in this category support the stereotype that all blondes are horizontally accessible. We apologize for that, but come one, they are funny as hell! So if you are dirty-minded, look through the best dirty stories and puns we collected for you!

***

Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room? A: They have to pull their own pants down.

***

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.
“Can I help you?” she asks.
“I was wondering,” whispers the man. “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?”
“Yes,” she purrs. “I am.”
The man replies, “Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger.”

***

Tell Me a Blonde Joke

These jokes have already become the classics of humor. If someone says to you “tell me something interesting” you’ll easily entertain your friend, as you’ll always have an ace in the hole. But make sure she is a brunette or at least ginger, otherwise, your acquaintance won’t talk to you for months.

***

Q: How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

***

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals.” One of the guys, of course, said, “I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?” “N,” she answered.

***

Hilarious Blonde Jokes

You can tell these stories to anyone, including the blondes. They are hilarious, but they also have a plot, and you’ll have to think a little bit to understand them. So telling them to your golden-haired friend is safe – there is a chance she will get it only a week later.

***

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

***

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, “I’ll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you’re doing.”
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. “What went wrong?”
The blonde said, “At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off.”

***

Clean Blonde Jokes

If you are not fond of the dark humor but like so-called clean jokes, we have some great puns for you. We can’t say that they are not offensive as they still proclaim that blondes are stupid, but they are at least not as cruel as the rest.

***

Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? A: To get chocolate milk.

***

A woman yells to a blonde walking along a river, “How do I get on the other side!?”
The blonde says, “You are on the other side!”

***

Blonde Brunette and Redhead Jokes

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are one of the most famous and recognizable trios. There are a lot of related jokes, but we tried to find the funniest ones. They’ll take some time, but the culmination definitely worth it!

***

On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.
God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke.
If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.
So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.
The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.
But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.
God asked “Why did you laugh I haven’t even told the joke yet”
The blonde said “I know I just now got the first one!!!”

***

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets.
First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
“If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?”
After pondering the question she answered, “I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet.”
They said “well okay, thank you.” And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, “I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings.” Again, “thank you” and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead.
She thought for a while and replied, “I would like to go to the sun.”
The people from NASA replied, “why, don’t you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?”
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. “Are you guys dumb? I’d go at night!”

***

Three women are about to be executed for crimes.
One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead, and one’s a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . .”
Suddenly the brunette yells, “earthquake!!”
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . .”
The redhead then screams, “tornado!!”
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around.
She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde has figured out what the others did.
The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . .”
The blonde shouts, “fire!!”

***

Blonde Jokes for Kids

These puns are the most innocent gags about the women with the blond hair. We are not sure people should strengthen the stereotypes from the young age, but if you don’t care about the consequences, you can tell them to any kid. Finally, they know the worse and dirtier things from their peers at school.

***

Blonde 1: Don’t tell anyone but Bees scare me.
Blonde 2: Dont worry, the whole alphabet scares me

***

Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?” The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see!”

***

Best Blonde Riddles

If you like the classic question-answer jokes, these riddles are for you! They’re short and pretty laconic, but they can make laugh anyone in your environment. Even the intellectuals who consider such puns to be lame can’t help laughing out!

***

Q: Why did the blond layout on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight? A: She wanted to get a dark tan.

***

Q: What do you get when you give a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change.

Good Short Blonde Jokes

If you don’t like to read the long stories, we have some good short puns which will definitely make you laugh. Goodness knows they are as short as hilarious, so enjoy. The only question we have is that if you can’t read the long jokes, how you deal with the books?

***

How do you drown a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.

***

How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her to count the stairs on an escalator.

***

New Cute Blonde Jokes

If you are the big fan of gags about the ladies with the gold hair, but you are sick and tired of the fact that all your friends have already heard all the stories you know, check these new cute gags! Who knows, maybe they will inspire you to create your own jokes.

***

Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said “concentrate”!

***

How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she’s pregnant.

***

Clever Blonde Jokes

Well, the stories in this category are really controversial. On the one hand, they prove that despite all of the stereotypes, the blondes are actually clever. On the other hand, they still suggest otherwise. It’s your choice what to believe.

***

A boss tells a blonde applicant, “I’ll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I’ll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?”
“In three months.”

***

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.
They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.
She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.”
They throw the switch and nothing happens.
They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words.
“I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.”
They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.
Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

***

Blonde Joke of the Day

If you don’t know how to entertain your friends or colleagues, if you think that sometimes we all need something to cheer us up, just take a look at these puns of the day. Nothing makes people laugh louder than stories about somebody’s stupidity, so use this to make the others smile!

***

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

***

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!”

***

Blonde Humor

Do you think that people’s humor and imagination have their limits? These stories will show you that they are actually endless. Even though there are a lot of old gags about blondes, people are making new cool ones day by day, and that’s inspiring! Who knows, maybe you’ll be the one who enlarges our collection!

***

This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, “What are you carrying?”
“Melons,” the blonde replies.
“Cool,” the guy says.
“If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?”
The blonde giggles and says, “If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them”

***

Once there was a magical mirror.
When you told the truth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever.
One day three college girls went to the mirror.
The red head said “I think I’m the smartest one.”
Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world.
The brunette then said “I think I’m the prettiest one.”
Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good looking boyfriend , and a lot of money.
Then the blonde said ” I think…*poof*”
Then she suddenly disappeared forever

***

Funny Long Blonde Jokes

If you think that short puns are often too primitive, just take a look at these stories! Unlike the most popular gags, they really have a plot. They are interesting to hear and to tell, so don’t miss your chance, read them and feel free to tell them to your close friends!

***

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy.
The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish.
The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells “Eagle!” She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away.
The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out “Salmon!” She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn.
The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish.
She panics.
“Crap!”

***

There’s this blonde.
She gets on a plane and sits in the first available seat.
The flight attendant is coming around checking tickets.
She looks at the blonde woman’s ticket and tells the blonde; “ma’am you can’t sit here, your ticket says coach and this is first class.
please move to the back of the plane”
The blonde replies “I’m a blonde, I’m smart and have a good job.
I’m not moving until the plane arrives in Jamaica”
So the flight attendant, now hot under the collar at the blonde’s response, goes to another flight attendant and tells him what happened.
so he goes up to her and asks her to move to the back of the plane.
She then responds “I’m a blonde, I’m smart and have a good job.
I’m not moving until the plane arrives in Jamaica”.
So the two flight attendants are steaming mad and they go to the co-pilot and tells him what is going on.
He comes back to where the blonde is sitting and leans over and whispers something in her ear.
The two flight attendants were astonished when the blonde abruptly got up from her seat and moved to the back of the plane.
They looked at each other and then the co-pilot and asked him what he told her.
The co-pilot, feeling good about himself told them “oh, this happened a while back with someone else.
I just simply told the woman that the front half of the plane wasn’t going to Jamaica”.

***

Racist Blonde Jokes

A lot of people think that the stereotypes related to blondes are offensive and even racist. Come on, dear ladies, if you feel aggrieved, you can check some ginger jokes out, and maybe they will help you to restore the balance. Don’t take these gags seriously, just enjoy!

***

A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…”

***

Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building.
The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says “Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!”
The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says “Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!”
The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says” Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!”
So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death.
That weekend at the funeral, the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying “I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me.”
And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn’t sad about her husband’s death, the blonde replys “Don’t look at me, he packs his own lunch.”

***

Blonde Sex Jokes

God bless the stereotypes! If you know the hot blonde girl, just test her – if she laughs at these puns, your mission won’t be easy. If not, maybe you have a chance to spend a great night with a typical representative of the golden-haired culture, yes, we said culture!

***

Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex? A: Opens the car door.

***

Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

***

Blonde vs Brunette Jokes

Well, blondes and brunettes have always been the two fighting camps. No matter what side you are on, you can enjoy these stories as they are really interesting and quite ironic. They are also pretty cruel, but try to ignore all the hatred – we are here to have some fun, nothing more!

***

A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp.
After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for.
So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars.
“Every blonde in the world will get two million.”
The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man.
Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.
The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes.
“Now for your third wish.” said the genie.
“See that stick over there?”, asked the brunette,
“I want you to beat me half to death with it.”

***

A brunette and a blonde are walking in the park.
The brunette asks: “Hey can you see that forest over there?”
The blonde looks that way and answers: “I can’t, the trees are covering the view.”

***

Funny Dumb Blonde Jokes

Do you think that blondes are dumb? Do you think that stereotypes can’t just appear from nowhere? You are damn right! Dear ladies, don’t be angry. This is a joke just like the gags you can see below. Maybe they are inappropriate, but they are definitely funny!

***

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because that’s where your supposed to wash vegetables.

***

Doctor: “You look exhausted.”
Blond: “I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.”

***

Kid Friendly Blonde Jokes

We would like to tell that these puns are friendly, but they aren’t. However, they are at least less cruel and bad than the other ones. You can tell them even to a kid, but remember that you make younger generation stereotyped. If you’re anything like us, and don’t give a shit, enjoy and tell them to anyone!

***

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said, “Disneyland Left”. So they started crying and went home.

***

A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, “Can’t you see I’m winning?”

***

Inappropriate Blonde Jokes

If you think that violence and sex are inappropriate topics to joke about, please, ignore this category of jokes. They are bad and offensive, but we ask you not to take them seriously and have a good laugh instead of feeling aggrieved.

***

Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde? A: Butter is difficult to spread

***

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back

***

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

***

Blonde Password Joke

Have you ever thought about the password the golden-haired ladies use? Well, the possible variants are hilarious. One of these jokes has already become the true classics of blonde gags, while the second one is the new and fresh pun found especially for you!

***

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: “MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento”
When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

***

The blonde changed her password to “incorrect” because if she type it in wrong, her computer will remind her, “Your password is incorrect.”

***